What
Is More Stable In Islam, A Love Marriage Or An Arranged
Marriage?
Islamic Rulings -
Living Shariah Verdicts
Islamic Questions & Answers
What is more stable in Islam, a love marriage or an
arranged marriage?
Praise be to Allah.
The issue of this marriage depends on the ruling on
what came before it. If the love between the two
parties did not transgress the limits set by Allah or
make them commit sin, then there is the hope that the
marriage which results from this love will be more
stable, because it came about as the result of the
fact that each of them wanted to marry the other.
If a man feels some attraction towards a woman whom it
is permissible for him to marry her, and vice versa,
there is no answer to the problem except marriage. The
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
said: "We do not think that there is anything better
for those who love one another than marriage."
(Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by
al-Busayri and by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah,
624)
Al-Sindi said, as noted in Haamish Sunan Ibn Maajah:
The phrase "We do not think that there is anything
better for those who love one another than marriage"
may be understood to refer to two or to more than two.
What this means is that if there is love between two
people, that love cannot be increased or made to last
longer by anything like marriage. If there is marriage
as well as that love, that love will increase and grow
stronger every day."
But if that marriage comes about as a result of an
illicit love relationship, such as when they meet and
are alone together and kiss one another, and other
haraam actions, then it will never be stable, because
they committed actions that go against sharee'ah and
because they have built their lives on things that
will have the effect of reducing blessings and support
from Allah, for sin is a major factor in reducing
blessings, even though some people think, because of
the Shaytaan's whispers, that falling in love and
doing haraam deeds makes marriage stronger.
Moreover, these illicit relationships that take place
before marriage will be a cause to make each party
doubtful about the other. The husband will think that
his wife may possibly have a similar relationship with
someone else, and even if he thinks it unlikely, he
will still be troubled by the fact that his wife did
do something wrong with him. And the same thoughts may
occur to the wife too, and she will think that her
husband could possibly have an affair with another
woman, and even if she thinks it unlikely, she will
still be troubled by the fact that her husband did
something wrong with her.
So each partner will live in a state of doubt and
suspicion, which will ruin their relationship sooner
or later.
The husband may condemn his wife for having agreed to
have a relationship with him before marriage, which
will be upsetting for her, and this will cause their
relationship to deteriorate.
Hence we think that if a marriage is based upon an
illicit premarital relationship, it will most likely
be unstable and will not be successful.
With regard to arranged marriages where the family
chooses the partner, they are not all good and not all
bad. If the family makes a good choice and the woman
is religious and beautiful, and the husband likes her
and wants to marry her, then there is the hope that
their marriage will be stable and successful. Hence
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
urged the one who wants to get married to look at the
woman. It was narrated from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu'bah
that he proposed marriage to a woman, and the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, "Go
and look at her, because that is more likely to create
love between you." (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1087;
classed as hasan by al-Nasaa'i, 3235)
But if the family make a bad choice, or they make a
good choice but the husband does not agree with it,
then this marriage is most likely doomed to failure
and instability, because the marriage that is based on
lack of interest usually is not stable.
And Allah knows best.
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