Friendship And Love Between A Man And A Woman: First And
Islamic Rulings - Living
Islamic Questions & Answers
know keeping girlfriend will destroy the family and so
on but what if we were just friends secretly were no
one knew. this way we will we will stay together until
marriage and we can garentee we wont perform any zinna.
are there any cases in the old times of love .
Praise be to Allah.
Taking a girlfriend does
not only destroy the family, it destroys society, and
those who do this are threatened with the punishment
and wrath of Allah. Love is a sickness that destroys
the heart and leads to evil and immorality. The
Shaytaan will keep tempting them and pushing them
until they commit immoral actions and thus each gets
what he or she wants from the other.
There are many forbidden
matters associated with this, such as transgressing
against the honour of others, betraying trust, being
alone with a member of the opposite sex, touching,
kissing, speaking immoral words, then the greater evil
which occurs at the end, which is the sin of zina.
The fact that the
questioner says “no one knows about us” is strange.
How can he forget about his Lord Who knows what is
secret and what is yet more hidden, and who knows the
fraud of the eyes and all that the hearts conceal.
(cf. Ghaafir 40:19).
Our advice to you, as you
are still young, is to discipline yourself to obey
Allah and always remember that He is watching; fear
Allah concerning people’s honour; strive for the Day
when you will meet your Lord with your deeds; remember
the scandal that may happen in this world and the
Hereafter. Remember that you have sisters and will
have a wife and daughters, so would you like for one
of them what you are doing with the daughters of the
Muslims? The answer is that you would certainly not
like it, and other people do not like it either.
Remember that you may see the results of your sin in
some of your family members as a punishment to you
from your Lord.
You have to look for
righteous friends, and you have to keep yourself busy
doing that which Allah loves and is pleased with. Pay
attention to the best and most sublime things and
leave alone the worst and most vile things. Make the
most of your youth in obeying and worshipping Allah,
seeking knowledge and calling others to Allah.
Remember that there were those of your age and younger
who were men who had memorized the Qur’aan, who sought
knowledge, whom the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him) sent to call others to Allah and to
enter the religion of Islam.
We advise you to get
married to a righteous, religiously-committed woman
who will help you adhere to your religion and
encourage you to adhere to the laws of Allah, who will
look after your children and bring them up with good
morals and religious commitment. Give up this woman
who agrees to go out with a man who is a stranger to
her (a non-mahram) and meet him and talk to him; if
she agrees to do immoral actions now then what is
going to prevent her from continuing to do so in the
Remember that you are
angering your Lord with such sins as being alone with
her, meeting her and talking to her, and anything more
than that is even more serious.
You should realize that
zina does not only involve the private parts, rather
the eyes may commit zina, the ears may commit zina,
the hand may commit zina and the foot may commit zina,
as was proven from the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him). All of that leads to the zina of
the private parts. So do not let the Shaytaan deceive
you, for he is an enemy to you who wishes you evil and
tells you to commit immoral actions.
Shaykh Muhammad al-Saalih
Contact between lovers in
improper and unlawful ways is a calamity and a real
disaster. It is not permissible for the man to contact
the woman in this case, or for the woman to contact
the man. If he says that he wants to marry her, then
he must tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to
marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants
to marry him, as ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him)
did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to
Abu Bakr and ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with them).
But if the woman contacts
the man directly, this is the source of fitnah
As’ilat al-Baab il-Maftooh
(Question no. 868).
With regard to your
question about such forbidden relationships in the
ancient love stories, the fact that such stories
existed among those who came before us cannot be taken
as proof with regard to shar’i rulings, because the
rulings of sharee’ah having to do with what is
forbidden and what is allowed are to be taken from the
shar’i evidence of the Qur’aan and Sunnah, and the
commands and prohibitions contained therein.
Some of those mentioned in
these stories came before Islam, such as ‘Antarah and
others, and such stories are to be found in other
cultures as is well known. But we cannot take shar’i
rulings from this because Islam came to bring people
forth from being controlled by their desires to
complete submission to Allah the Lord of the Worlds.
We ask Allah to guide us
and you and to give us strength.