Of Parents Towards Their Children In A Society That Does
Not Help In Raising Children Properly
Islamic Rulings -
Living Shariah Verdicts
Islamic Questions & Answers
A very common problem seen in
youth in western countries is that their parents allow
them to indulge in some form of haram in the hope that
that will stop them from committing worse haram. An
example of this is that parents will say that they
allow their children to indulge in music in the hope
that that will stop them from going out with bad
people or leaving their home all together. Parents are
afraid that if they enforce the law of Allah in their
homes, that their children will leave. What is Islam’s
position on this sort of compromise? Some parents also
say that they only have the duty to tell their
children something is haram, and then their children
have to choose for themselves because they are already
young adults (i.e. 13 -18 yrs old and unmarried,
living at home). Don’t the parents have to forbid
haram by all means, or do they just say that is haram
and then leave them be? To what extent do parents have
to go to forbid their children from haram? Parents
also believe that once their children reach the age of
puberty they are no longer responsible for their sins
or actions, and so say they will have no sin if they
advise their children something is haram and then
leave them. Is this true? Or do parents always have
the responsibility of forbidding their children from
haram, and will they be responsible if they see their
children doing haram and just leave them after
Praise be to Allaah.
The success or failure of the Muslim in raising his
children depends on a variety of factors, which
undoubtedly includes the environment in which they
live, which plays a major role in the success or
failure of that upbringing.
Please see the answer to question no. 52893.
The parents have to understand that Allaah has given
them responsibility over their children, and they have
to fulfil the trust as Allaah has enjoined in the
Qur’aan. The Sunnah also confirms this command in many
saheeh ahaadeeth. The texts of the Revelation also
warn the one who does not look after his flock
sincerely and who neglects the trust with which Allaah
has entrusted him.
It was narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yasaar al-Muzani said:
I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) say: “There is no person whom
Allaah puts in charge of others, and when he dies he
is insincere to his subjects, but Allaah will forbid
Paradise to him.”
According to another report: “… and he is insincere
towards them, but he will not smell the fragrance of
Paradise.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6731) and Muslim
See the answer to question no. 20064.
Allaah has enjoined those who are in charge of
children to raise them from when they are very small
to obey Allaah and love Islam. Even though they are
not accountable because they have not reached puberty,
one should not wait until puberty to teach them, guide
them and tell them to obey Allaah, because in most
cases at that age (i.e. puberty) they will not respond
unless they have been brought up in this manner and
have learned it from their families since a young age.
Hence parents are enjoined to teach young children how
to pray from the age of seven and to smack them if
they do not pray when they are ten. The Sahaabah used
to make their young children fast, so as to get them
used to loving Islam and its rituals, so that it would
be easy for them to follow its commands and keep away
from the things it forbids when they grow up.
It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr said: The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: “Teach your children to pray when they
are seven years old, and smack them if they do not do
so when they are ten, and separate them in their
beds.” Abu Dawood (495), classed as saheeh by al-Albaani
in Saheeh Abi Dawood.
It was narrated that al-Rubayyi’ bint Mu’awwidh ibn
‘Afra’ said: On the morning of ‘Ashoora’, the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) sent word to the villages of the Ansaar
around Madeenah, saying: “Whoever started the day
fasting, let him complete his fast, and whoever
started the day not fasting, let him complete the rest
of the day (without food).”
After that, we used to fast on this day, and we would
make our children fast too, even the little ones in
sha Allaah. We would make them toys out of wool, and
if one of them cried for food, we would give (that
toy) to him until it was time to break the fast.
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1960) and Muslim (1136).
Just as they raise them to do acts of worship, they
should also prevent them from doing haraam things. If
the child does an act of worship, the reward will be
for him and for the one who taught him and encouraged
him to do it. As for doing acts of disobedience or
sins, the minor does not sin, rather the one who
enabled him to do it and left the door open for him to
do it and did not close it, is sinning. As for the one
who tells him to do it, he is like the one who did it.
Hence it is not something extreme at all if a Muslim
raises his children to obey Allaah and prevents them
from doing haraam things, such as males wearing gold
or silk, or females wearing male clothing, or lying,
stealing, swearing and other sins. Similarly, it is
not something extreme if a Muslim raises his daughter
to be modest and chaste and not to mix, because if a
person gets used to something when he is young, there
is the fear that he may persist in it.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Even though the child is not accountable, his guardian
is, and it is not permissible for him to enable him to
do something haraam, for he will get used to it and it
will be difficult to wean him from it.
Tuhfat al-Mawdood bi Ahkaam al-Mawlood (p. 162).
And he (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
The one who neglects to teach his child that which
will benefit him and leaves him with no care has done
a very bad deed. The corruption of most children is
due to their parents and their neglect of (their
children), because they neglect to teach them the
obligations and Sunnahs of Islam. So they neglected
them when they were small, and (the children) turned
out unable to benefit themselves or to benefit their
parents when they are old.
Tuhfat al-Mawdood, p. 229
The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked:
With regard to my small children, should I teach them
the etiquette of Islam and make the young girls wear
Islamic clothes, or this regarded as extremism? If my
doing this is correct, what is the evidence for it
from the Qur’aan and Sunnah?
What you have mentioned about making girls wear loose
and concealing clothing and making them get used to
that from a young age is not extremism, rather you are
doing the right thing in giving them an Islamic
Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz, Shaykh ‘Abd al-Razzaaq
‘Afeefi, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Ghadyaan.
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah (25/285, 286).
In his book Majmoo’ah As’ilah Tuhimm al-Usrah al-Muslimah,
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah
have mercy on him) said:
The scholars say that it is haraam to dress a child in
clothes that it is haraam for an adult to wear.
Clothing on which there are images is haraam for an
adult to wear, so it is also haraam for a child to
What the Muslims should do is to boycott such clothes
and shoes so that those who want to spread evil and
corruption will not be able to reach us by these
means. If they are boycotted they will never find a
way to make them reach this land.
After that, he was asked:
Is it permissible for male children to wear things
that are only for females, such as gold and silk, etc,
and vice versa?
This is to be understood from the first answer. I said
that the scholars say that it is haraam to dress a
child in clothes that it is haraam for an adult to
wear. Based on this, it is haraam to dress male
children in that which is only for females, and vice
After that, he was asked:
Does this include isbaal or making clothes come below
the ankles for male children?
Yes, it includes that. End quote.
And Allaah knows best.