Family Took Her Away Without Her Husband’s Permission
Islamic Rulings -
Living Shariah Verdicts
Islamic Questions & Answers
I have a brother who has been married for several
years, and he has a son and a daughter. He often has
arguments with his wife, then they make up. The most
recent incident was when she started to cursing her
parents-in-law, then she went even further and hit her
husband. Then she told her family, and they came and
took her away without her husband’s permission. There
is a lot of immorality and lack of religious
commitment, the extent of which Allaah only knows. We
have tried to advise them on many occasions but
I hope that you can help us and tell us to which
department we may refer this matter, so that we can
put an end to it.
Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible for a woman to go out of her
husband’s house without permission, rather many of the
scholars regarded this as nushooz (defiance) and going
against the husband, if there is no excuse for doing
that, such as if her husband is harming her in a
manner that she cannot ward off and so on.
Moreover, if the wife is withholding herself from her
husband, he is no longer obliged to spend on her
because of her defiance, as the fuqaha’ have stated.
See al-Mughni, 8/182.
What your brother should do is to handle the situation
wisely and carefully in order to bring his wife back
home. He should remind her of Allaah, and remind her
family of Him; if he cannot do that himself, then he
should enlist the help of some relatives who have
knowledge, experience and wisdom, and get them
involved so that they can solve the issue.
He should exercise deliberation and not be hasty in
taking decisions, for “Deliberation is from Allaah and
haste is from the Shaytaan,” as the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said. (Classed as
saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah,
A man may make a decision at the time of anger, then
regret it, but at a time when regret will be to no
He should also adopt an attitude of patience, put up
with his wife and try to put an end to the disputes
between them that have gone on for years and years.
Let him start a new life with her, forgetting the past
and its arguments.
No one is perfect, so he should accept her good points
and overlook her bad points, and try to change her in
a wise and calm manner. The Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No believing
man should hate a believing woman, for if he dislikes
one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with
This means that he should not hate her, because if he
sees in her a characteristic that he dislikes, he will
find another that is pleasing; she may be bad-tempered
but at the same time religiously-committed, or
beautiful, or chaste, or kind to him, and so on. End
This is how all people are; they have good qualities
and bad qualities. The wise man is the one who strikes
the right balance between good and bad, accepting the
good things and overlooking the bad, whilst also
trying to correct them.
If the husband does all that but the woman still does
not change, then he may refer to the shar’i courts to
resolve this dispute.
And Allaah is the One Whom we ask to set the affairs
of all the Muslims straight.
And Allaah knows best.