What He Did To Find Out About His Fiancée Correct, Using
The Internet As A Means To Get To Know Her?
Islamic Rulings -
Living Shariah Verdicts
Islamic Questions & Answers
I have a cousin (daughter of my maternal
aunt) who seems to be religiously committed and of
good character, but I do not know much about her
personality and outlook on life, or how well we would
get along. I used the internet as a means to get to
know her, whilst being very careful to adhere to
proper etiquette, especially since we come from a
conservative family. Praise be to Allaah, I reached
the decision to marry her in sha Allah, but it may
take two years or more until I am ready, because I am
still a student in the last year of university.
My question is: Is what I did permissible?
Especially since it went on for nearly a year, because
the customs of marriage in our society do not allow
one partner to get to know the character of the other
until they get engaged, but after that if it becomes
clear that the two are not compatible and they cancel
the engagement, that will lead to problems and
severing of family ties. I feel worried about what I
did and I am afraid that it may be considered a sin or
an act of treachery. It is permissible to continue our
correspondence until I come and propose marriage to
Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible to correspond or converse with a
non-mahram woman. If a man intends to propose marriage
then he should follow the Islamically-prescribed means
of doing so. If the woman whom he wants to marry is
one of his relatives, then it should be more
straightforward because either he will knows about her
or he will be able to find out about her from the
women of his own family.
It is not possible for a man or a woman to find out
about the real character of one another through
correspondence and conversing before marriage, because
neither of them will show anything but their best
Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen was asked:
If a man corresponds with a woman and they fall in
love, is this regarded as a haraam action?
This action is not permitted, because it provokes
desire between them and makes them hope to meet and
get in touch. This often leads to temptation and sows
the seeds of zina in the heart, which leads to immoral
actions or the things that lead to them. We advise all
those who want to protect themselves to avoid
corresponding and the like, so as to protect their
religious commitment and their honour. And Allaah is
the Source of strength.
Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/578, 579
We have already stated that correspondence between the
two sexes is haraam, in the answers to questions no.
26890 and 10221.
It is permissible for the man who has proposed
marriage to look at his fiancée, without being alone
with her or shaking hands with her. So you could do
the marriage contract and delay consummation of the
marriage, so that your meeting with her will be
acceptable according to sharee’ah, and during this
period you could focus on getting to know her more and
In the answer to question no. 7492 there is an
important discussion of this matter.
See also the answers to questions no. 7757, 2572 and
20069 to find out more about the limits of the
relationship between a man and his fiancée. And Allaah