Wants To Go Back To His Country But There Is War There; Is
His Wife Obliged To Obey Him?
Islamic Rulings -
Living Shariah Verdicts
Islamic Questions & Answers
My dad went back to his country because he
said he dont want to stay in kuffar country?he wants
the family to come as well. but my mum dont want to go
because she is saying my children have to finish their
education and they are about to start university and
she dont want to ruin for them. My question is then
ist a sin for my mum to not obey her husband and do
what he wants her to do? will she be punished for it?
what do you think i shoul do? because my mum really
dont want to go and her mum and sister is saying dont
go there because their is war and so on.
Praise be to Allaah.
Staying in a kaafir country is not permissible unless
certain conditions are met, the most important of
which is that the person be religiously committed and
thus protected against whims and desires; he should
also have sufficient knowledge and insight that will
protect him against specious arguments; he should be
able to practice his religion openly; and he and his
family should be safe. For more details please see the
answer to question no. 13363 and 27211.
The wife is obliged to obey her husband and move with
him wherever he moves, so long as she did not
stipulate that her husband should not take her out of
her homeland or make her travel to a specific country,
or so long as moving with him will not cause her any
obvious and considerable harm, such as if he wants to
move to a country where there is war or it is thought
most likely that she will encounter harm such as
imprisonment and the like.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: He
may travel with her, because the Prophet (blessings
and peace of Allah be upon him) used to travel with
his wives, unless it is a kind of travel in which
there is fear (of harm), in which case she does not
have to do that.
End quote from al-Mughni (7/223)
And it says in Kashshaaf al-Qinaa‘ (5/187): The
husband may travel with his wife, because the Prophet
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and his
Companions used to travel with their wives, unless the
travel involves fear or there is danger on the road or
in the land to which he wants to travel. In that case
he does not have the right to take her with him
without her permission, because of the hadeeth, "There
should be neither harm nor reciprocating harm." Or if
she stipulated that she should stay in her own land,
in which case she is entitled to that condition,
because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be
upon him) said: "The most deserving of conditions to
be fulfilled are those by means of which intimacy
became permissible to you." End quote.
She does not have the right to refuse to accompany her
husband because of the children's education, because
education may be acquired in various places and
through various means such as distance learning and so
on. So it is not permissible for her to disobey her
husband for the sake of her children.
You have to obey your father and travel with him if he
wants that, so long as your travelling to his country
will not pose a danger to you.
It should be obvious to you that the father has rights
and a high status, and Allah has commanded us to
honour our parents; He has mentioned that alongside
obedience to Him and affirmation of His Oneness (Tawheed).
Claiming that the father is not thinking of his
children's best interests is mistaken thinking in most
cases, because of the natural compassion that the
father has for his children, but what the father
thinks is in the children's best religious or worldly
interests may make him overlook this compassion. Allah
has commanded the father to protect his children and
guard them against that which may lead to doom and
loss, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
"O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your
families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and
stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and)
severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands
they receive from Allaah, but do that which they are
And it was narrated from Ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be
pleased with him) that the Prophet (blessings and
peace of Allah be upon him) said:
"Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is
responsible for his flock. The ruler of the people is
a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is
the shepherd of his household and is responsible for
his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband's
house and children and is responsible for her flock.
The slave is the shepherd of his master's wealth and
is responsible for it. Each of you is a shepherd and
each of you is responsible for his flock."
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (7138) and Muslim (1829).
And al-Bukhaari (7151) and Muslim (142) narrated that
Ma‘qil ibn Yasaar al-Muzani (may Allah be pleased with
I heard the Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace
of Allah be upon him) say: "There is no person whom
Allaah puts in charge of others, and when he dies he
is insincere to his subjects, but Allaah will forbid
Paradise to him."
So it is no surprise that a father would flee with his
children from the land of kufr, fearing corruption and
deviance for them, and that he would prefer soundness
of religious commitment to worldly interests. If his
move to his homeland is safe, then all the members of
his family are obliged to obey him and accompany him.
And Allah knows best.