Her Father Refused To Marry Her To
Someone So The Judge Did The Marriage For Her
Islamic Rulings - Living Shariah Verdicts
Islamic Questions & Answers
My father is Muslim. He has wrong thoughts
about Islam, such as his situation of hejab and
mixing. He says: "will a person be judged if good or
bad by his religiousness?" He says also that none can
implement all the commands of Allah, even the prophet
(PBUH) himself could not, meaning the issue of
polygamy. My sister has rejected Islam and became
Christian, and my father did not object to this, he
even sees her as better than me. My mother is
Christian as well.
A noble but disabled man has proposed to me and I
accepted him. But my father refused him because he is
disabled and from a simpler standard of living than
ours. We are rich family.
After I completed my study at university, my family
planned to cut my relationship with the good friends
of mine, they planned to change my life gradually. So
I left home and planned for marriage. Two months later
I got married to the Muslim man in a shar'ee court.
The question: is my marriage islamically valid? What
should my situation towards my family be? Shall I
continue boycotting the relationship with them?.
Praise be to Allaah.
We praise Allaah for having enabled you to adhere to
the path of guidance and righteousness and we ask Him,
may He be glorified and exalted, to grant you more of
The woman should endeavour to marry one who is
religiously committed and of good character, who can
protect her and take care of her, and enable and help
her to practise her religion, as well as help her to
raise righteous children in accordance with the
principles and morals of Islam.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "If there comes to you one whose religious
commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your
female relative who is under your care] to him, for if
you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth
and much corruption." Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1084)
from Au Hurayrah; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in
Marriage is not valid except with a wali (guardian),
and a woman has no right to marry herself, because the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "There is no marriage without a wali." Narrated
by Abu Dawood (2085), al-Tirmidhi (1101) and Ibn
Maajah (1881) from Abu Moosa al-Ash'ari; classed as
saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "Any woman who gets married without the
permission of her wali, her marriage is invalid, her
marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid… and if
there is any dispute, then the ruler is the wali of
the one who has no wali." Narrated by Ahmad (24417),
Abu Dawood (2083) and al-Tirmidhi (1102); classed as
saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami' no. 2709.
But if the wali refuses to marry the female relative
under his care to a compatible man with whom she is
pleased, then he is preventing her from getting
married and guardianship passes from him to the next
closest male relative on the father's side.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: What
is meant by preventing her marriage is preventing her
from marrying a compatible man if she asks for that
and each of them wants to marry the other…
And whether she asked to get married for a mahr
(dowry) like that of her peers or less. This is the
view of al-Shaafa'i, Abu Yoosuf and Muhammad.
If she wants to marry a specific compatible man, and
he wants her to marry some other compatible man, and
refuses to marry her to the one whom she wants, then
he is preventing her marriage.
But if she asks to marry someone who is not
compatible, then he has the right to refuse that and
he is not regarded as preventing her marriage. End
quote from al-Mughni (9/383).
Because guardians usually prevent marriage in such
cases, there is nothing wrong with the woman referring
the matter to the shar'i judge, who may then ask the
guardians to do her marriage. If they refuse then he
may do her marriage himself. The Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, as in the
hadeeth quoted above: "and if there is any dispute,
then the ruler is the wali of the one who has no wali."
Based on this, your marriage contract is valid and it
is not permissible to annull it, because the shar'i
judge became your wali after your father refused to
arrange your marriage.
You have to honour your parents and treat them kindly,
and uphold ties of kinship with them even if it is
only by speaking to them on the phone, until they calm
down and you are able to visit them, for parents'
rights are great. Hence the duty to honour them is
mentioned repeatedly in the Qur'aan, as Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to
his parents; but if they strive to make you join with
Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you
have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your
return and I shall tell you what you used to do"
"And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good)
to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and
hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning
is in two years __ give thanks to Me and to your
parents. Unto Me is the final destination.
15. But if they (both) strive with you to make you
join in worship with Me others that of which you have
no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them
in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who
turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me
will be your return, and I shall tell you what you
used to do"
[Luqmaan 31:14, 15]
You have no right to cut them off, rather you must
strive to calm them down and put their minds at rest,
and soften their hearts with money and gifts to earn
their love, and ask Allaah to guide your family.
May Allaah help us and you to do that which He loves
and which pleases Him.
And Allaah knows best.