Should He Obey His Parents And Marry
Someone Who Is Not Religiously Committed? Marrying A
Woman Who Is Not Chaste
Islamic Rulings -
Living Shariah Verdicts
Islamic Questions & Answers
My parents got me two matches for marriage where
as i am nervous whether they are suitable for me or
not. I am religious person offering salah five times
and follow sunnah. My choice was Aalim girl but my
family semi religious they dont want this girl to be
our family member becoz they feel she will dominate
us. What are the questions should i ask to girl when i
meet her along with family members? I dont have
property and i am against to dowry. Kindly help in
this regards. In my past i made lot of sins where as i
feel guilty and repent should i disclose with her and
be true with her?
My second question is everyday i feel so scared about
Allah punishment i am unable to live happily.
Sometimes i feel grave and cry like anything. I am
feeling stressed however i am asking forgiveness from
allah. But due to this i am unable to be happy.
Praise be to Allaah.
The Prophet's advice to anyone who wants to get
married is to choose a woman who is religiously
committed, who will help him with regard to his
affairs in this world and in the Hereafter. The
Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him)
said, encouraging marriage to one who is religiously
committed: "Women may be married for four things:
their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their
religious commitment. Choose the one who is
religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with
dust (i.e., may you prosper)." Narrated by al-Bukhaari,
5090; Muslim, 1466.
We have previously discussed the description of the
religiously committed woman whom the Prophet
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) encouraged
a man to marry, in the answer to question no. 96584
We do not think there is any conflict between what you
want and what your parents want from you. Your parents
have stipulated a condition that is well founded in
many cases and in many environments. What we think is
that you should respond to their wishes and look for a
suitable wife outside the family circle, but at the
same time you should look for one who is also
religiously committed, outside the family circle. Thus
you will be able to fulfil both interests and combine
the two wishes. This will make it easier for you and
will spare you from confronting the family with
something they do not want, and you can convince your
parents that it is right and to accept your choice.
This will be easy, in sha Allah, when you give them
what they asked of you.
If it is possible for you to sit with the fiancée or
the one to whom you want to propose marriage, in the
presence of her mahram and without being alone with
her, and adhering to proper hijab, then in that case
there is nothing wrong with talking together to the
extent that is necessary and in such a way that does
not cause fitnah or provocation of desire. You can
tell her what you expect of her in the future, and she
could tell you what she expects of you.
But we do not think that you should go to extremes
with regard to these questions, or to base your
judgement on this meeting; rather what you should do
is ask about the girl, not ask her. Before you enter
the house you have to find out about the house and its
people, and the girl and her situation. And there is
nothing wrong with you seeking the help of your
sisters and female relatives in this matter. Once you
find the qualities you are looking for, then go ahead
with the marriage.
With regard to the questions that you may ask, they
will not necessarily yield the answers you are looking
With regard to your financial and social situation,
what you have to do is tell the truth about that,
because it will have an impact on many things in your
married life later on and the rights that your wife
has over you. It is not acceptable to enter a house
and look at its womenfolk, then when they accept you,
you say: I cannot afford any mahr (dowry)!
It is not permissible for you to disclose your
previous sins to the one whom you want to marry. So
long as Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, has
concealed you (your sins), then you have to cover
yourself. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be
upon him) said: "Avoid this filth that Allah has
forbidden. Whoever does any such thing, then let him
conceal it with the concealment of Allah."
Narrated by al-Bayhaqi; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani
in as-Silsilah as-Saheehah, no. 663
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: I heard the
Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allah be
upon him) say: "All of my ummah will be fine except
those who commit sin openly, and it is part of
committing sin openly for a man to do something at
night, then in the morning when his Lord has concealed
him he says: O So and so, I did such and such last
night, when his Lord had concealed him all night, but
in the morning he discloses that which Allaah had
concealed for him." Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5721;
The believer is enjoined to fear Allah, may He be
glorified and exalted, in secret and openly. This fear
that is required in Islam is the fear that motivates
one to do more good actions and righteous deeds, and
to keep away from disobedience to Him. But if this
fear leads to despair and hopelessness and failing to
do good deeds, then it is a kind of devilish whisper (waswaas)
by means of which the Shaytaan seeks to divert the
hearts of the righteous from the straight path, then
he makes them grieve because of that. Allah, may He be
exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): "Secret
counsels (conspiracies) are only from Shaitan (Satan),
in order that he may cause grief to the believers. But
he cannot harm them in the least, except as Allah
permits, and in Allah let the believers put their
trust" [al-Mujaadilah 58:10].
So seek the help of Allah and put your trust in Him;
spite the Shaytaan by obeying Allah, may He be
glorified and exalted, and humiliate him by
strengthening your connection to your Lord. Seek the
help of Allah and do not feel helpless.
And Allah knows best.
Marrying a woman who is not
I am in state of confusion. I am engaged, i love
my fiancee however before engage, she used to act like
Canadian girls which i knew but smoked cigarette etc
while she was in high school I did not know. When we
got engaged she told me that she loved and was crazy
about this guy but never had a boyfriend, she used to
hung around with rougth bad and black guys just like
friends and she is virgin, she escaped so many school
days and the reason is that she used sat with friend
in the back of school or in their house watching
Indian movies and used smoke because her friend led
her to this path. HOwever, she stopped everything
after we got engaged. But I did not liked these things
she said and i start disliking her little by little
because i thought she is lying to me. The quesiton is
i always thougth to myself that a girl like her being
so open to guys, wearing open cloths and her parenth
did not care much how come she would not have a
boyfriend(in this easthern society)it is impossible.
As a result, everyday i start to hate(dislike) her and
we had alot of fights. As a result, i used to worked
in a restaurant and there, i meet a girl and right
after a week i sleep with her for one night, i don't
know how it happened but it did. I repent for my bad
deeds because i see my fiancee is very sincere to me
after we have engaged. My question is brother, what
should i do, how i could solve this issue in my life.
I really need help?.
Praise be to Allaah.
If the women was as you describe before you got
engaged, then it is not permissible to marry her
unless she repents sincerely for the sake of Allaah,
not for the purpose of getting engaged to you. If you
see that she has repented and regrets what she did,
and that she is serious about keeping away from non-mahram
men and avoiding being alone with them, then it is
permissible for you to marry her.
My advice to you is to look for a righteous and chaste
women, for a righteous wife will bring you happiness
in this world and will be one of the means of your
salvation in the Hereafter, because she will one day
be the mother of your children, and she will guard
your honour and your wealth, and in that way there
will be the love, compassion and tranquility that form
the basis of marital happiness. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you
wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose
in them, and He has put between you affection and
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "Women are married for four reasons:
wealth, beauty, lineage and religious commitment.
Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your
hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper)."
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3/242; Muslim, 2/1086.
According to another hadeeth: "This world is temporary
pleasures and the best of the temporary pleasures of
this world is a righteous wife." Narrated by Muslim,
With regard to what you mention about what happened
with that other girl, praise be to Allaah for having
enabled you to repent. This is the bounty of Allaah
towards you. You have to strive to control yourself
and avoid the things which lead to such serious
We wish to point out that repentance must be for the
sake of Allaah, not for the sake of your fiancée and
so that she will be sincere towards you. So we advise
you to renew your repentance and to pray for
forgiveness and to make a promise to Allaah not to do
such a thing again.
I also offer the following advice, and hope that
Allaah will benefit you thereby:
1 – Lower your gaze and do not look at that which
Allaah has forbidden.
2 – Keep yourself busy with reading Qur'aan and
hadeeth, stories of the righteous, the scholars and
3 – Beware of being alone with women who are not
4 – Keep company with righteous people who will help
you with religious and worldly matters.
5 – Beware of listening to music and songs, for they
are a means that lead to zina.
6 – Strive to offer prayers regularly with the
Muslims, and strive to observe all the essential parts
of prayer with proper focus and humility, and having
wudoo', for it keeps one away from evil actions, and
those who observe regular prayer are the ones who will
succeed. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Successful indeed are the believers.
Those who offer their Salaah (prayers) with all
solemnity and full submissiveness"
May Allaah help us and you to do all that is good, and
may He make things easy for you.