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Her Father Is Asking Her For Money To Build A House For His Second Wife: It Is A Duty On Man To Be Kind To His Parents

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Could you please tell me if a father is allowed to talk guilt into his children, because they are not supporting him financially. When I was still living home I used to work and give my father money. But now that I am married I have other responsibilities and also my husband is against the idea of supporting my father. We always argue about this.
My father has his own (good) salary ,but he wants to do a lot of things that require a lot of money, like building a house etc. (for his second wife).
(He got married for the second time to have a son, and this has hurt us and my mother very much). It felt like he was not satisfied with us (4 daughters).
He is always talking like we are no good to him, saying that other people's children are doing better than we do. This is making me very sad. I want to have a good realtionship with him, but I always feel very uncomfortable when he starts talking like that.
Am I obliged to support my father, despite the fact that he is building this house for his second wife and children? Are we responsible for all his borrowing from other people to realize this?
Am I allowed to go against my husband and support my father anyway?
Jazaak allah!


Praise be to Allaah.

You should give your father whatever will please him, provided that this does not affect your own interests and needs. As for your husband, he has nothing to do with your wealth that Allâh has given to you. The fact that your father wants to build a house for his second wife, who is your mother's co-wife, does not mean that you are not obliged to honour him, for the child and whatever he owns belong to the father. Yes, if there is a conflict between obedience to your mother and obedience to your father, then you must take a balanced approach, whilst giving precedence to your mother, because she takes priority when it comes to good companionship, and her rights are greater than those of the father. And Allâh is the source of strength.

It is a duty on man to be kind to his parents

Allah tells us in the Qur'an not to cut off our blood relations. What is the interpretation of the Ayah that commands us not to severe ties of kinship ? Who does it refer to ? Just parents and siblings ? What if one maintains contact with one's parents only through telephone or letters although he is capable of visiting them. Yet, he feels that maintaining a certain distance is healthier to the relationship ?

Praise be to Allaah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

It is a duty on man to be kind to his parents, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "…be good and dutiful to your parents…" [al-An'aam 6:151]; to show gratitude to them in all kinds of ways, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "…give thanks to Me and to your parents…" [Luqmaan 31:14]; and to show them all kinds of good treatment, because of the command of the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to treat them kindly. The ways in which one can show them kindness and respect are many, e.g., visiting them, speaking kindly to them, lowering to them the wing of humility, giving them gifts, and so on. When you go to visit them with the hope of earning reward from Allaah, this is a great form of worship. A son should not neglect this type of worship, and he should appreciate the joy that his parents feel when they see their son and spend time with him. He should not let his work keep him away from seeing his parents, because it is very important and precious for them to see their son. If a person is aware of some negative things when he visits them, he can reduce these negative aspects, or cut the visit short and make up for it in other ways, such as sending letters, making telephone calls or others ways of keeping in touch and maintaining ties, like giving gifts, and so on.

We ask Allaah to help us to honour our parents. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

 

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