He Got To Know A Girl Through The Internet And He Wants To Marry Her But Her Father Is Refusing
Islamic Rulings -
Living Shariah Verdicts
Islamic Questions & Answers
I am a Muslim Arab youth. I got to know a
Muslim girl of Arab origin who lives overseas, through
the internet. It was and still is a relationship
within the limits of the laws of Allaah, because,
praise be to Allaah, I fear Allaah a great deal. I
love her and she loves me because she is a committed
Muslim girl, and she also fears Allaah. Our love is
for the sake of Allaah, in sha Allaah.
I proposed marriage to her, and she accepted and
agreed, and I praised Allaah for answering my du'aa'
by blessing me with a righteous wife, especially since
I have wanted to get married and settle down for a
number of years. She told her mother, who is a
non-Arab, and she agreed at first, because her father
had been away from them from a while. Her father
recently returned, and she was happy, but he had come
to tell his daughter to get ready to marry a man from
her father's country, without asking his daughter's
opinion of the prospective groom. She is afraid of him
because he beats her sometimes, and she sometimes says
that he is crazy; may Allaah guide us and him.
She told me that she does not want to marry this man
and that she wants to marry me, and I told her the
same thing. She said to me: What do you think of
marrying me in secret, then we tell her father what
has happened. She is over 18 years of age.
Praise be to Allaah.
You should note that Allaah sees and knows all that
"Allaah knows the fraud of the eyes, and all that the
[Ghaafir 40:19 interpretation of the meaning]
You should also note that you have done something that
is not permissible according to sharee'ah, which is
corresponding and speaking to one another. You have
seen how the relationship between you developed until
the Shaytaan was able to deceive you and make your
relationship appear to you to be "love for the sake of
We know that love is the matter of the heart, and that
a person is not to be blamed for that over which he
has no control. But he is to be blamed fully for the
things that led him to enter into this relationship,
such as forbidden glances, or words spoken in secret
over the phone or via the internet, and other
footsteps of the Shaytaan which he wants to people to
follow and fall into evil ways. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"O you who believe! Follow not the footsteps of
Shaytaan (Satan). And whosoever follows the footsteps
of Shaytaan (Satan), then, verily, he commands Al-Fahsha'
[i.e. to commit indecency (illegal sexual
intercourse)], and Al-Munkar [disbelief and polytheism
(i.e. to do evil and wicked deeds; and to speak or to
do what is forbidden in Islam)]. And had it not been
for the Grace of Allaah and His Mercy on you, not one
of you would ever have been pure from sins. But Allaah
purifies (guides to Islam) whom He wills, and Allaah
is All-Hearer, All-Knower"
He is also to be blamed for getting carried away in a
matter in which the beginning is haraam and the end of
which is an invalid marriage.
But it has gone this far, and the relationship between
you has reached the stage that you describe, so now it
is up to the girl and her family. If the woman can
convince her father not to marry her off to someone
whom she dislikes, and she and her mother can convince
him to let her marry you, and she is as you say
qualified for marriage, then you should follow the
steps outlined in sharee'ah of asking her father or
her guardian for her hand in marriage. If you see that
the path to marriage is blocked, then it is not
permissible for you to carry on with this
relationship. Whoever gives up something for the sake
of Allaah, Allaah will compensate him with something
better than it. It may be better for her to marry
someone other than you, and it may be better for you
to marry someone other than her.
"and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good
for you and that you like a thing which is bad for
you. Allaah knows but you do not know"
[al-Baqarah 2:216 interpretation of the meaning]
If what this girl says about her father is true and he
is insane but we do not think that he really is
insane in the sense that his rights of shar'i
guardianship over her are waived and he is not fit to
take charge of the affairs of his dependents or he
is denying her the right to marry one who is
compatible with no legitimate shar'i excuse, then in
that case the role of guardian is transferred to the
next closest guardian, so it moves from the father to
the grandfather, for example. This matter is discussed
in detail in the answer to question no. 7193.
As for thinking of getting married in secret, without
her guardian's permission, this will only make matters
even worse. May Allaah protect us and you from the
causes of His wrath and punishment.
Do you not know that the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said: "Any woman who gets
married without the permission of her guardian, her
marriage is invalid," three times. Narrated by Abu
Dawood, 2083; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in
Saheeh Abi Dawood. So how can you think of this
invalid marriage that is not pleasing to Allaah and
His Messenger, and then claim that your love is for
the sake of Allaah?
Do you not know that the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) commanded that marriages be
announced publicly? He said: "Announce marriages
publicly." Narrated by Ahmad from the hadeeth of
Abd-Allaah ibn al-Zubayr. Al-Albaani said: (it is)
He made this public announcement the factor that
distinguishes a halaal marriage from haraam
fornication, and said: "What distinguishes between
haraam and halaal is the daff and voices (raised in
song)." Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1088; classed as
hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
Imam al-Baaji (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in
Sharh al-Muwatta': There is no dissent concerning the
fact that marriage in secret is forbidden, because it
is similar to zina which is also done in secret
it is prescribed to celebrate marriages and give
wedding feasts, because that is a public announcement
of the marriage.
He also said: Every marriage in which the witnesses
are sworn to secrecy is a secret marriage, even if
there are many witnesses.
Look at what you two are claiming. Is it a permissible
marriage as prescribed by Allaah and His Messenger, or
it is the matter of whims and desires and zina, and
the footsteps of the Shaytaan?
Beware before you both slip and fall, and build your
lives on a shaky foundation. May Allaah keep us and
you safe from the Fire of Hell.
But if the father of this girl wants to arrange her
marriage against her wishes, neither the father nor
any other guardian, has the right to force his
daughter to marry someone she dislikes, as is
explained in questions no. 26852, 7193, 22760. But
this is nothing to do with you, and you are not
responsible for that. So leave her and her guardians
alone. If is not decreed for you two to marry, and you
withdraw from her life, as is required of you in that
case, then perhaps she will see that this suitor or
someone else is the right husband for her. May Allaah
make us and you rich (independent of means) by His
bounty. And Allaah is the Source of strength.