Love: Man And Woman In Love From Afar, Are They Committing A Sin?
Islamic Rulings -
Living Shariah Verdicts
Islamic Questions & Answers
Praise be to Allaah.
Islam came to close the doors that lead to evil and
sin, and is keen to block all the means that may lead
to corruption of hearts and minds. Love and
infatuation between the sexes are among the worst of
problems.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on
him) said in Majmoo' al-Fataawa (10/129):
Love is a psychological sickness, and if it grows
strong it affects the body, and becomes a physical
sickness, either as diseases of the brain, which are
said to be diseases caused by waswaas, or diseases of
the body such as weakness, emaciation and so on. End
quote.
And he (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Majmoo'
al-Fataawa (10/132):
Loving a non-mahram woman leads to many negative
consequences, the full extent of which is known only
to the Lord of people. It is a sickness that affects
the religious commitment of the sufferer, then it may
also affect his mind and body. End quote.
It is sufficient to note that one of the effects of
love of a member of the opposite sex is enslavement of
the heart which is held captive to the loved one. So
love is a door that leads to humiliation and
servility. That is sufficient to put one off this
sickness.
Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in
Majmoo' al-Fataawa (10/185):
If a man is in love with a woman, even if she is
permissible for him, his heart remains enslaved to
her, and she can control him as she wishes, even
though outwardly he appears to be her master, because
he is her husband; but in fact he is her prisoner and
slave, especially if she is aware of his need and love
for her. In that case, she will control him like a
harsh and oppressive master controls his abject slave
who cannot free himself from him. Rather he is worse
off than that, because enslavement of the heart is
worse than enslavement of the body. End quote.
Attachment to the opposite sex will not happen to a
heart that is filled with love of Allaah; it only
affects a heart that is empty and weak, so it is able
to gain control of it, then when it becomes strong and
powerful it is able to defeat the love of Allaah and
lead the person into shirk. Hence it is said: Love is
the action of an empty heart.
If the heart is devoid of the love and remembrance of
the Most Merciful, and is a stranger to speaking to
Him, it will be filled with love of women, images and
listening to music.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on
him) said in Majmoo' al-Fataawa (10/135):
If the heart loves Allaah alone and is sincerely
devoted to Him, it will not even think of loving
anyone else in the first place, let alone falling in
love. When a heart falls in love, that is due to the
lack of love for Allaah alone. Hence because Yoosuf
loved Allaah and was sincerely devoted to Him, he did
not fall into the trap of love, rather Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"Thus it was, that We might turn away from him evil
and illegal sexual intercourse. Surely, he was one of
Our chosen, (guided) slaves"
[Yoosuf 12:24]
As for the wife of al-‘Azeez, she was a mushrik as
were her people, hence she fell into this trap. End
quote.
The Muslim must save himself from this fate and not
fall short in guarding against it and ridding himself
of it. If he falls short in that regard and follows
the path of love, by continuing to steal haraam
glances or listening to haraam things, and being
careless in the way he speaks to the opposite sex,
etc, then he is affected by love as a result, then he
is sinning and will be subject to punishment for his
actions.
How many people have been careless at the beginning of
this problem, and thought that they were able to rid
themselves of it whenever they wanted, or that they
could stop at a certain limit and not go any further,
until the sickness took a strong hold and no doctor or
remedy could help?
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in
Rawdat al-Muhibbeen (147):
If the cause happens by his choice, he has no excuse
for the consequences that are beyond his control, but
if the reason is haraam, the drunkard had no excuse.
Undoubtedly following one glance with another and
allowing oneself to keep thinking about the person is
like drinking intoxicants: he is to be blamed for the
cause. End quote.
If a person strives to keep away from the things that
lead to this serious sickness, by lowering his gaze
and not looking at haraam things, not listening to
haraam things, and averting the passing thoughts that
the shaytaan casts into his mind, then after that
something of the evils of this sickness befalls him
because of a passing glance or a transaction that is
basically permissible, and his heart becomes attached
to a woman, there is no sin on him for that in sha
Allaah, because Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"Allaah burdens not a person beyond his scope"
[al-Baqarah 2:286]
Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in
Majmoo' al-Fataawa (11/10):
If that does not result from carelessness or
transgression on his part, then there is no sin on him
for what befalls him. End quote.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in
Rawdat al-Muhibbeen (147):
If love occurs for a reason that is not haraam, the
person is not to be blamed, such as one who loved his
wife or slave woman, then he separated from her but
the love remained and did not leave him. He is not to
be blamed for that. Similarly if there was a sudden
glance then he averted his gaze, but love took hold of
his heart without him meaning it to, he must, however,
ward it off and resist it. End quote.
But he must treat his heart by putting a stop to the
effects of this love, and by filling his heart with
love of Allaah and seeking His help in that. He should
not feel too shy to consult intelligent and
trustworthy people for advice or consult some doctors
and psychologists, because he may find some remedy
with them. In doing that he must be patient, seek
reward, remain chaste and keep quiet, and Allaah will
decree reward for him in sha Allaah.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on
him) said in Majmoo' al-Fataawa (10/133):
If he is tested with love but he remains chaste and is
patient, then he will be rewarded for fearing Allaah.
It is known from shar'i evidence that if a person
remains chaste and avoids haraam things in looking,
word and deeds, and he keeps quiet about it and does
not speak of it, so that there will be haraam talk
about that, whether by complaining to another person
or committing evil openly, or pursuing the beloved one
in any way, and he is patient in obeying Allaah and
avoiding sin, despite the pain of love that he feels
in his heart, just as one who is afflicted with a
calamity bears the pain of it with patience, then he
will be one of those who fear Allaah and are patient,
"Verily, he who fears Allaah with obedience to Him (by
abstaining from sins and evil deeds, and by performing
righteous good deeds), and is patient, then surely,
Allaah makes not the reward of the Muhsinoon
(good-doers) to be lost" [Yoosuf 12:90]. End quote.
See also questions no. 20949 and 33702.
And Allaah knows best.
Summary: Pre-marital relationships
are not permissible
I am in a relationship with a guy who can not
make up his mind to get married. I have not yet became
a muslim and I will soon We have talked about this
being wrong for us to be together and if he was back
in XXX, that he would not be able. I feel like wrong
is wrong, and even if I hav not yet converted, that
should not be the problem. His family wants him to
come home, but when does a man have the right to make
a choice? Maybe, because I am from the US I don't
understand the whole thing about family. When you have
a wife or someone to be your wife, is she not your
family too?
Please help me to do what is right.
Salaam,
Praise be to Allaah.
It is true what you have said, that wrong is wrong. In
Islam, pre-marriage relationships are not permissible.
We believe that adultery is not permissible not only
in Islam, but also in all religions of Allah (God). I
believe that the gentleman of nationality XXX whom you
are seeing is not serious in getting married, because
if he were, he would have married you from the very
beginning. In Islam, a man must respect the will of
his parents, and in some cases he must obey them. You,
in your present status, are not a member of his
family. When you become his wife, then you are
considered to be his family. Yet even then, if a
father orders his son to divorce his wife because, for
example, she has bad reputation or she is not a good
Muslim, he must obey his father. My advice to you is
to think seriously in embracing Islam, not for the
sake of this man, but for the salvation of your soul
and body from Hellfire. I believe by now, you have a
good idea what Islam is, putting aside the bad example
this gentleman has been setting. Therefor, you should
stop seeing this man and you should become Muslim. If
his love to you is genuine, he will propose to you. If
he doesn't, then be sure that Allah will not leave you
alone, and as He guided you to his religion, He will
send you a good Muslim who will cherish you and give
you a decent life as a wife not as a mistress. I pray
to Allah that He may enlighten your heart with Islam
and guide you to make the right choice.
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