Complaining About Her Husband's Attachment To The Society
For The Promotion Of Virtue
Islamic Rulings -
Living Shariah Verdicts
Islamic Questions & Answers
I am a girl who is married to a religiously
committed young man, and I am happy with him, praise
be to Allaah. He works with some men from the Society
for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of
Vice. I know that his working with them is regarded as
an honour for me and Allaah knows that I am happy when
he is able to change some evils.
But my problem with him is that he is so strongly
attached to them. For example, when we go out for a
walk, if he sees something bad he follows it until he
can contact some men from the Society and they come.
If I argue with him about it, he thinks that I do not
want to put an end to evil! Allaah knows that that is
not true, but I want him to take it easy. Also, what
bothers me about this matter is that he speaks to
women a lot, and this makes me crazy and makes me
jealous when he says that this one was dressed like
this and that one looked like that.
Tell me what I should do, may Allaah reward you with
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly we congratulate you on your good attitude of
being pleased with what your husband does, which is
the work of the Prophets themselves (peace be upon
them), namely enjoining what is good and forbidding
what is evil, and calling people to Allaah.
We advise you to stand by your husband's side and
encourage him in this work, and not to have any doubts
about him or to feel fed up with what he does.
With regard to what he tells you about women, it seems
that he is telling you because he trusts you, and is
not telling you in order to upset you, or to express
his admiration for them. Rather he is telling you that
in order to inform you of some of the evil actions
that people do, so that you can beware of them, or so
as to get it off his chest. When some people see evil
actions, it affects them deeply, and they need someone
to talk to about it so as to get it off their chests.
So you should be aware of that and not let the
Shaytaan get to you with regard to this matter.
There is no reason why you should not advise him with
regard to the things in which he is falling short
towards you, so long as that is done in the way that
is better and without casting aspersions on his
decency and morals.
Our advice to the husband is to give his family their
rights, and to treat them in a reasonable manner. He
should respect their feelings and not describe women
to his wife; just as a man would not like his wife to
describe men to him, so too a woman does not like her
husband to describe women to her.
He should avoid speaking too much to women, and
restrict it only to what is needed in order to change
the evil or to draw attention to it, etc, because
being too careless and lax about that may lead to bad
consequences. And he should strive to lower his gaze,
because looking is one of the arrows of Iblees.
May Allaah help you both to do that which He loves and
which pleases Him.
And Allaah knows best.
Arguments with her husband – she is
asking how to become a righteous wife
I am a new muslimah and am fromthe U.S. I have
been raised not to let a man controll me. Now the
problem is that my husband is not from here and we
tend to argue alot.I know more of the laws and common
everyday things more than he does.His english is not
that great, so, I have to explain to him sometimes and
he is used to how his country and culture are, so, in
public I tend to do the talking alot.This makes him
mad sometimes but I feel it is the only way to get
things done right most of the time. Now we argue alot
and I don't know how to be the "wife" that I am
supposed to be Islamically. I am still in the learning
process, but that is were I have my biggest
problem.How can I change that or try to make the
Praise be to Allaah.
We praise Allaah for guiding you to Islam, which is
the greatest blessing that Allaah can bestow upon His
We would like to tell you that Allaah has given you
rights over your husband, and has enjoined upon you
duties towards him. You can read question no. 10680 to
find out more about this.
You have to do the duties towards your husband which
Allaah has enjoined upon you. Islam regards the
husband's rights as great because of the husband's
great importance in building the Muslim household, and
because Allaah has enjoined him (the husband) to look
after his family's interests and take care of them.
The Muslim woman should be wise in her dealings with
her husband, because man – usually – is pleased with
kind words and appreciates kind treatment. So if that
comes from his life-partner, that will have a greater
effect. The wise woman must also keep away from all
kinds of behaviour that will offend her husband, and
rid herself of every kind of action that annoys him,
and try not to control him. The man has the role of
qawwaam (protector and maintainer), and the
responsibility is his. Making him feel that he is
falling short in certain situations may make him angry
and not treat his wife well. One of them said: "The
best wife is the one who knows how to create harmony
in her marriage and strikes a balance between obeying
and respecting her husband and expressing her own
Your speaking to people on his behalf – because he
does not speak your people's language well – is
permissible according to sharee'ah, but as stated
above, you have to be wise in doing this. When doing
these things you should not make him feel that he is
lacking or that he is not important. Rather you should
refer to him when speaking to the people, and consult
with him, and do not make decisions in his presence
without asking his permission. You should do that in
front of the people to whom you are speaking so that
he will feel that he is important. Try to make him
feel that he speaks his own language better than you
do, and that you complement one another; and you can
help him to learn your language, and he can help you
to learn his language.
This is what we advise you to do, and this is what may
reduce his anger and stop him from behaving in this
manner. It seems that it is only a matter of time, and
you have to be careful in handling this situation
until he becomes more fluent in your language and is
able to do things himself, on his own.
In order to become a good wife, you have to learn what
Allaah has enjoined upon you, so that you can do it.
You have to know how righteous women behave, their
attitude and the way they interact with their
husbands. You will need to strive hard until you get
used to it, but it is not impossible. The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
"Knowledge comes by learning, and patience comes by
trying to be patient. Whoever seeks goodness will be
given it, and whoever fears evil will be protected
from it." Narrated by al-Daaraqutni in al-Afraad; this
is a hasan hadeet, as was stated by al-Albaani in
Saheeh al-Jaami', 2328.
Some of these characteristics and attitudes are those
of which a wise mother advised her daughter before
marriage, which is comprehensive advice. We ask Allaah
to help you to achieve this. That mother said to her
"O my daughter, you are leaving your house in which
you grew up, and going to live with a man whom you do
not know, a companion whom you are unfamiliar with. Be
like a slave woman to him and he will be like a slave
to you. Remember ten characteristics which will be a
stored treasure for you:
The first and second are to be devoted to him and be
content, listen to him and obey.
The third and the fourth are to consider his nose and
eyes; do not let him see anything ugly of you, or let
him smell anything but a good fragrance.
The fifth and the sixth are consider the time of his
sleeping and eating, for hunger burns and disturbance
of sleep causes anger.
The seventh and the eighth are to look after his
wealth and to take care of his family and his
The ninth and the tenth are to look after his wealth
and take care of his dependents."
The husband has to fear Allaah his Lord, and not
transgress the rights of his wife. He should give her
her rights as Allaah has enjoined upon him. He should
realize that people vary, and that what he knows, many
people are ignorant of, and what he is ignorant of,
many people know. For him to have a wife who will
translate for him and show him what will benefit him
and how things are done is better for him than having
someone with him whom he cannot trust. Knowledge can
only be acquired by learning, and the way to learn is
by striving and working hard.
Advise him to try to control himself at times of
anger, and not to get angry unless you have
transgressed one of the sacred limits of Allaah. This
is the kind of anger that is regarded as praiseworthy.
And Allaah knows best.