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He Formed A Relationship With A Girl Who Is Married And He Wants Her To Get Divorced So That He Can Marry Her
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I am a God-fearing man; I never had a relationship with a woman before. I did not chat on the internet either. But recently by chance I knew a British woman on the internet. I found many characteristics in her that I always wished. I knew that she converted to Islam, before we knew each other, and she married a man who does not fear Allah; he does not pray neither does he teach her how to pray. He forces her to go out with him and his friends, he meets girls, and he allowed his cousin to stay at home with them. He beats her for the slightest reasons, he slanders her using bad language, she even thinks that beating woman is one of the Islamic teachings. He knows that I am talking to her, so I tried to advise him and her, but he does not listen.  I love this woman, honestly, and I fear for her as she lives with a person who does not fear Allah neither does he teach her religion, although she is eager to learn about Islam. I taught her how to pray by sending English files about prayers. The problem now is that I want to marry her. Is it permissible for me to urge her to ask for divorce? I know I was mistaken to talk to her in the first place. The say "whatever is built on wrong will remain wrong" and "whatever grows by means of haram then the hell is more fitting for it" apply to my situation? If I marry her and make a religious family, will it remain wrong?  I have decided to cut our relationship temporary, knowing that I have not met her, until I know the ruling on this. She is ready to leave everything there and come to Egypt so that we can make a righteous family. Is my good intention to do this valueless because it started wrong? I fear Allah and my intention is to teach her Islam. I do not have the intention to deceive her. I know her intention as well. Even her non Muslim mother thinks that we should marry. Bear in mind that their marriage is not done according to the law. It was just held in the masjid. I have read fatawa saying that their marriage is invalid as long as he does not pray. She has the right to ask for divorce because he beats her and distorts the image of Islam. Is it permissible for me to tell her this, whenever she asks me I just stay silent because I fear Allah asks me about ruining this family.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

We think that there is good in you for which we should praise you. Your fear of Allaah for having formed haraam relationships with non-mahram girls by correspondence and talking, and your cutting off your relationship with this girl until you find out the shar'i ruling, are all indicative of goodness. We encourage you to prepare for the Hereafter by means of piety and we ask Allaah to instill faith in your heart and to make immorality and sin hateful to you.

As for your relationship with this woman, what you must do now is cut off all ties with her, and not correspond with her or talk to her, and you have no other option. As for the bad relationship between her and her husband, perhaps Allaah will guide him and he will start to pray regularly and treat her kindly, and Allaah may create love between them after there was enmity. Perhaps your talking to her was the cause of the increase in bad feelings between her and her husband, when she compared your nice words to her with her husband's attitude, and that made her not be patient with her husband and made her dislike him more.

We are afraid that the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), "Whoever turns a woman against her husband is not one of us" may apply to you. This hadeeth was narrated by Ahmad and Abu Dawood (5170) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (324).

As for the marriage contract not being valid because her husband does not pray, the ruling on that varies according to whether he was not praying at the time he married her, or he used to pray but he stopped praying after the marriage.

We have discussed the ruling on this issue in the answer to question no. 4131.

Whatever the case, she is the one who should seek the ruling on that and ask about what she should do next. She is the one who should solve the problems with her husband, and she is also the one who should strive not to disobey Allaah. She should not obey (her husband) if he tells her to do something sinful, such as staying with a non-mahram man or going out with him in the presence of his friends and so on.

Whatever the case, she is the one who should strive to set straight the things that are wrong with her life, either by sorting out her life in a proper manner as much as possible, or by leaving this man. Allaah makes everyone independent of means by His grace and blessings.

Beware lest the shaytaan open the door to sin for you by means of your concern about the ruling on her husband not praying, and the ruling on beating her and mistreating her. Such things happen in many families – is it permissible for you to check on these husbands in their homes and talk to their wives on the grounds that you are advising them and explaining the shar'i rulings to them? The shaytaan has his ways of tempting both sinners and righteous people, so beware lest the shaytaan make you fall into his trap on the basis of offering sincere advice and explaining shar'i rulings.

We ask Allaah, may He be exalted, to help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him, and to guide you to the straight path.

And Allaah knows best.

He talks about marriage secrets and gets married with the intention of divorcing the woman

I'm married to a muslim to whom I'm losing trust. We've been married for a few years. I knew him prior to marriage and I (we) did repent for that. But he has gone off on (2) different occasions to acquire a second wife. On both occasions the sisters that he married seemed more out of desire and assuming that things would be different with marrying a less than knowledgable individual that lack basic manners and deen. Even after knowing this at the time of marriage, he consumates then complains that he wants this second wife to have similar manners and deen as I do. My concern is that he has reveiled his past (I know that as muslims we should keep these things to ourselves) and he was married several times as a kafir, and cheated on these wives and now it seems that he's using Islam as a justification for doing this (having mutiple wives). He's says that he loves me, but I feel that he's just used to me and my good manners and resourcefulness, but he doesn't attempt to treat the second spouse the way he treats me. He is very open to tell me things about the second spouse that I don't want to hear.  Both marriages were seemed to be performed in a very sneaky and questionable manner. I don't have a enough space to go into the details. He has stated on occassions that he has to have a second wife. Is it allowed in Islam for a man to marry and divorce as many women as he wants (I know no more than 4 at one time), but one every few months, even if he's just marrying another woman for the purpose of having something different temporarily? With the intent of using one of her negative qualities as a reason for divorce? We do not have children. Am I allowed to request a divorce on the grounds that I cannot continue to cope with these situations and I'm losing the love and desire for my husband.


Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

It is obligatory for both spouses to keep the secrets of the marriage, especially anything that has to do with their intimate relationship in bed. The wife is entrusted with the husband's secrets and the husband is entrusted with the wife's secrets.

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) turned to the men and said, "Is there any man among you who, when he comes to his wife, he locks the door, throws his blanket over himself and conceals himself with the cover of Allaah?" They said, "Yes." He said, "And does he sit after that and say, ‘I did such and such, and I did such and such?'" They remained silent. Then he turned to the women and said, "Is there anyone among you who speaks (of private marital matters)?" They remained silent. Then a buxom young girl sat up tall so that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would see her and hear her words, and said, "O Messenger of Allaah, (the men) speak and (the women) speak." He said, "Do you know what the likeness of that is? The likeness of that is that of a female devil who meets a male devil in the street and he fulfils his desire with her when the people are looking on."

Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2174. Classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami', 7037.

Secondly:

With regard to your husband's other marriages, if that is for the purpose of "having a change" as you say, then this is marriage with the intention of divorcing, which is deceiving the woman and her guardians (walis).

Shaykh Muhammad Rasheed Rida (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

The fact that the scholars of the earlier and later generations emphatically forbade mut'ah (temporary marriage) implies that marriage with the intention of divorce is haraam, even though the fuqaha' said that a marriage contract is valid if the husband intends it to be temporary but did not state that as a condition in the marriage contract; but his concealing that is regarded as a betrayal and deceit, and this contract deserves to be annulled more than one in which he stipulated the condition that it be temporary with the agreement of the husband, the wife and the wife's guardian. This leads to many evil consequences as it is abusing this great bond which is the greatest of human relationships, and going along with one's whims and desires. When this condition is not stated clearly, that is cheating and betrayal which leads to other bad consequences such as enmity, hatred and loss of trust even of sincere people who want to get married in the real sense, which means protecting the chastity of both partners and cooperating in establishing a righteous home…

Quoted from Fiqh al-Sunnah by al-Sayyid al-Saabiq, 2/39

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) spoke similar words on the prohibition of such marriages. He said:

Moreover this view – the view that (such marriages) are permitted – may be exploited by those who are weak in faith for evil purposes, as we hear that some people have started to go on vacation, during time off from studies, to other countries to get married with the intention of divorcing soon. I have been told that some of them marry several wives on these trips, as if they go there only to satisfy their desires which are more like zina (adultery, fornication) – we seek refuge with Allaah.

Because of this we think that even if there is a view that it is permitted, it is not appropriate to open this door because it has becomes a means that leads to that which we have mentioned.

With regard to my opinion on this matter, I say that this marriage contract is a valid contract, but it involves deceit and betrayal, so it may become haraam because of that.

It is deceit and betrayal because the wife and her guardian, if they knew the intention of this husband, and that his intention is to enjoy intimacy with her and then divorce her, they would not adept this marriage. So in that sense he is deceiving and betraying them.

If he tells them that he wants her to stay with him for the duration of his visit to that country, and they agree to that, then this marriage is mut'ah (temporary marriage).

Hence I think that it is haraam, but if anyone goes ahead and does it, then the marriage contract is valid, but it involves sin.

Liqa' al-Baab al-Maftooh, Question 1391.

But if he married you with the intention of making the marriage permanent, and he has no intention of divorce, but then something happens which is a reason for divorce, then there is no sin on him in that case.

Thirdly:

With regard to his getting married in secret, if that is in the presence of the woman's guardian and two witnesses, and the marriage contract is done in that fashion, then it is a valid marriage. But if it is done without the woman's guardian or without the presence of two witnesses, then the marriage is not valid. See questions no. 7989 and 2127.

Fourthly:

We advise your husband to fear Allaah with regard to his family, and to fear Him with regard to people's honour. He should note that it is not permissible for him to fool about in this manner, for marriage is love, tranquility and compassion, so he should not make it merely a means of satisfying his desire and then abandon the woman.

We also advise you to be gentle in denouncing your husband, and to preserve the stability of the home, and be sure of what you mention about his intention in taking several wives and what you do not like about him. Remember that a woman's jealousy towards co-wives may lead her to make mountains out of molehills, and the waswaas (whispers) of the Shaytaan may make it worse, with the aim of disrupting the stability of Muslim families.

So look at the matter with a little wisdom, especially the matter of his intention, which you cannot really know. Ask Allaah to show you the truth of the matter, and pray istikhaarah with regard to either staying with him or asking for separation. Think about your situation if you get divorced and what the consequences of that would be, then decide whether it is better for you to leave him or to stay and put up with it. If you cannot bear it because of the things you have mentioned, then you have the right to ask for separation.

And Allaah knows best.
 

 

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