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She Does Not Want To Live With Her Husband's Family: Case Of Provisions - The Dowry, Accommodation etc

Islamic Rulings - Living Shariah Verdicts

Islamic Questions & Answers


I live with my inlaws for last 7 years, I dont get along with my father inlaw, I have asked my husband to move out from them. He is very hurt on this matter, He says he cannot live without his parents, and its hard for me to live with his parents and his younger brother, am i asking too much. What does islam role says on this. Please answer me ASAP. I am desperate to move out, But I like my husband to be happy with me also.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) warned against the husband's relatives who are not mahrams to the wife entering upon her. It was reported from ‘Uqbah ibn ‘Aamir that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Beware of entering upon women." A man from among the Ansaar said: "O Messenger of Allaah, what about the brother-in-law?" he said: "The brother-in-law is death." (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4934; Muslim, 2172).
It is not permissible for her to be alone with any of her in-laws except those who are so young that there is no fear that they will tempt her or be tempted by her.

Secondly:

The husband must provide his wife with a dwelling place that will conceal her from the eyes of people and protect her from heat and cold, where she can live and settle and be independent. Whatever meets her needs is sufficient, such as a room in good condition with a kitchen and bathroom – unless the wife has stipulated larger accommodation in her marriage contract. He does not have the right to make her eat with any of her in-laws. The kind of accommodation provided must be commensurate with what the husband is able to provide and be suitable according to local custom (‘urf) and the social level of the wife.

(a) Ibn Hazam (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

He has to provide her with accommodation according to his means, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Lodge them (the divorced women) where you dwell, according to your means" [al-Talaaq 65:6]

(al-Muhallaa, 9/253).

(b) Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

She (the wife) is entitled to accommodation because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Lodge them …" [al-Talaaq 65:6]

If it is obligatory to provide lodgings for a divorced wife, then it is even more appropriate that lodgings should be provided for one who is still married. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"… and live with them honourably…" [al-Nisaa' 4:19]. Part of that means providing them with accommodation, because she cannot do without proper accommodation to conceal her from people's eyes and so that she may go about her business, relax and her keep her belongings in order.

(al-Mughni, 9/237)

(c) Al-Kaasaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

If a husband wants to make her live with a co-wife or her in-laws, such as his mother or sister or daughter from another marriage or another relative, and she refuses to accept that, then he has to provide her with accommodation of her own… But if he lodges her in a room of the house that has a door of its own, this is sufficient for her and she should not ask him for alternative accommodation, because the harm caused by fear for her belongings and not being able to relax is no longer there. (Badaa'i' al-Sanaa'i', 4/23)

(d) Ibn Qudaamah also said:

A man does not have the right to make two wives live in the same dwelling without their consent, regardless of whether the house is large or small, because this will cause them harm due to the enmity and jealousy between them. Making them live together will cause conflict and each of them will be able to hear when the husband spends time with (has marital relations with) the other or she will see that. If they both agree (to live together in one house), this is permissible because they have the right to do to ask for independent accommodation, or they may choose to forgo this right. (al-Mughni, 8/137)

He did not mean that it is OK for the husband to have marital relations with one where the other can see and hear that; what he meant was that it is permissible for them to live in one house, where (the husband) can come to each of them on her night in a place in the house where the other cannot see her.

If he can give each wife a part of the house with a bedroom, bathroom and kitchen, this will be sufficient. Similarly, he could give each wife a separate house or apartment.

Al-Haskafi (may Allaah have mercy on him) – one of the Hanafis – said: Similarly, she is entitled to a place in the house that is free of his family and her family according to their means, as is the case with food and clothing. A separated part of the house with a door of its own and facilities such as a bathroom and kitchen will be sufficient for the intended purpose.

Ibn ‘Aabideen commented:

What is meant by "a bathroom and kitchen" is bathroom facilities and a place for cooking that should be within the room or in a place which is not shared by any other family members.

(al-Durr al-Mukhtaar, 3/599-600)

I say: what indicates that what is meant by "house" [bayt – literally, "house", translated above as "room"] is a room is the comment of al-Kaasaani (may Allaah have mercy on him): If the house has rooms, a room should be allocated to her and given its own door. They said: she does not have the right to ask him for alternative accommodation.

(Badaa'i' al-Sanaa'i', 4/34)

On this basis, it is permissible for him to accommodate you in a room of the house that has its own facilities, so long as there is no fitnah (temptation) or being alone with any non-mahrams who have reached the age of puberty. He does not have the right to force you to work for them in the house or to eat and drink with them. If he is able to provide you with accommodation that is completely separate from his family, that will be better for you, but if his parents are elderly and need him, and they have no one else to serve them and the only way he can serve them is by living with them, then he has to do that.

Finally, we urge you to be patient and to strive to please your husband and to help him to honour and be kind to his family as much as possible until Allaah grants you a way out. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

Expecting the wife or her guardian to provide the dowry or accommodation is a custom that is contrary to sharee‘ah

Its been a customary practice in my locality that during the time of marriage the girls parents build a house for their daughter and that both couples may live in that house.But in future if any problem occurs between husband and wife then the wife could still have her house while the male has no right to claim the house.This system was made lawful in my place to give security for females.
Now that am going to be engaged my Dad said that the fiancee's family haven't built a house yet.And dad fears that the fiancee's parents haven't come up with good security even for their daughter and he fears in future I might not get a good security from them as well.And dad said he will ask them for the house for both(me and fiancee) to live in.
I said since it is the husband who should give security to his spouse then it is not necessary for the fiancee's parents to build the house.But i also said if they build it without our own demand let us take it and i said that after reading the following verse of the quran from surah Nisa 004.004 And give the women (on marriage) their dower as a free gift; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, Take it and enjoy it with right good cheer.
But in my situation I fear falling into dowry.Please sheikh kindly clear this doubt.Under the circumstance i have said is it right of my father to ask the fiancee's parents to build the house for the girl so that we both can live in it?
Please reply shiekh for a long time i haven't got any reply from u. But Allah knows hw busy u are.But please take some time to clear this for me.

Praise be to Allaah.

The dowry (mahr) is a right that the wife has over her husband, because Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as Allaah has made it lawful)"

[al-Nisa' 4:4].

Al-Tabari (may Allah have mercy on him) said: What Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, meant by that is: Give the women their dowries as a gift that is required and obligatory.

And he said: It was narrated that Qataadah said, concerning the words "And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart": As an obligation. And it was narrated that Ibn Jurayj said concerning the words "And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart": As an obligation that is named (specified). And it was narrated that Ibn Zayd said concerning the words "And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart": al-nihlah (translated here as "with a good heart", in the language of the Arabs, refers to something that is obligatory.

End quote from Tafseer al-Tabari, 4/241.

So it is not permissible to force the wife or her guardian to provide it, but if the wife takes it and then gives some of it to her husband or gives some of her wealth to him, it is permissible to her to do that, because Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): "but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as Allaah has made it lawful)"[al-Nisa' 4:4].

Accommodation is also a right that the wife has over her husband, so he is obliged to provide her with separate accommodation according to his ability; that is part of the maintenance that he is obliged to provide. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): "Lodge them (divorced women) where you dwell, according to your means" [al-Talaaq 65:6]. If this applies in the case of a woman who is divorced, then providing accommodation for a woman who is still married is more appropriate. Moreover, Allah has enjoined kind treatment between spouses, as stated above. Part of the kind treatment that is enjoined is providing her with accommodation in which she and her wealth will be safe. The wife cannot do without accommodation in order to conceal her from people looking at her and so that she can settle down with her belongings. Hence accommodation is a right that she has over her husband.

The same may be said about accommodation as may be said about the dowry: it is not permissible to force the wife or her guardian to provide it.

Based on that, if the wife does not give accommodation, there is no room for demanding it from her. You should explain that to your father and not go along with the custom that is contrary to sharee‘ah. Allah has made the man the protector and maintainer of the woman, and one of the reasons for that is that he spends on her. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means" [al-Nisa' 4:34].

See also the answer to question no. 45527.

And Allah knows best

 

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