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Choosing A Husband: Parents Forcing Their Daughter Into A Marriage

Islamic Rulings - Living Shariah Verdicts

Islamic Questions & Answers

What are the most important factors for a woman in choosing a husband? If she rejects a righteous man for some worldly reasons, will she be punished by Allaah?

Praise be to Allaah.

The most important factors for a woman in choosing a husband are his attitude/behaviour and his commitment to religion. Wealth and lineage are secondary matters. The most important thing is that the potential husband should be religious and have a good attitude, because if a man has religious commitment and a good attitude, a woman has nothing to lose: if he keeps her (remains married to her), he will keep her on a reasonable basis, and if he divorces her, he will set her free on a reasonable basis. Moreover, a man who is religious and has a good attitude will be a blessing to her and her children, for they will learn good manners and religion from him. But if the prospective husband is not like that (is not religious), she should keep away from him, especially those who take the matter of prayer lightly or who are known to drink alcohol. We seek refuge with Allaah.

As for those who do not pray at all, they are kuffaar and it is not permissible for them to marry believing women. It is important for the woman to focus on the matter of attitude and religious commitment. With regard to the matter of lineage, this is a bonus. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If there comes to you (to propose marriage to your daughter etc.) a man with whose religious commitment and attitude you are pleased, then marry (your daughter) to him."

But if you can manage to ensure compatibility (in terms of lineage and socio-economic status, etc.) as well, then this is better.

From the Fataawa of Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, from the book Fataawa al-Mar'ah

Parents forcing their daughter into a marriage

I am muslim. I have to ask a question about my friend who is being forced to marry someone by her parents. She wanted to marry someone else. The guy who she is being forced to marry is more educated and wealthy than the one who she wanted to marry. Her parents has disapproved of her choice and they are forcing her to marry that guy. The guy who she likes is also muslim and very much devoted into islam. But just because the society would not talk about them they don't like the guy who she loves. Any suggestions??

Praise be to Allaah.

It is not permissible for a woman to be made to marry someone she does not want. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "A previously-married woman should not be married without being consulted, and a virgin should not be married without asking her permission." They said, "O Messenger of Allaah, how is her permission given?" He said, "By her silence." (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 6455).

‘Aa'ishah reported that a girl came to her and said, "My father married me to his brother's son in order to raise his social standing, and I did not want this marriage [I was forced into it]." ‘Aa'ishah said, "Sit here until the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) comes. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came and she told him about the girl. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent for her father, then he gave the girl the choice of what to do. She said, "O Messenger of Allaah, I have accepted what my father did, but I wanted to prove something to other women." (Reported by al-Nisaa'i, 3217).

So, both the guardian and the woman must agree to the marriage. With regard to your request for our advice regarding the problem mentioned in the question, so long as this marriage has taken place, it is better for the woman to try to keep it going as much as she can, and to try to accept this husband. She should seek reward through pleasing her parents and also try to reform her husband through a gentle approach and praying for guidance for him. And Allaah is the Source of Strength.
 
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

 

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