The Girl's Guardians Are Asking For
Advice: Should They Agree To Let Her Marry A European
Who Has Recently Become Muslim? Is It Permissible To
Correspond With One's Fiancée Via E-mail?
Islamic Rulings -
Living Shariah Verdicts
Islamic Questions & Answers
My daughter is at university, in the seventh
year of medicine, and she is twenty-five years old.
She has a friend who is married to an Algerian in
Germany; they are both Algerian. This couple met a
German businessman who said that he had become Muslim.
He is fifty-one years old, divorced with two children,
and he is looking for a religiously committed Muslim
woman. He asked this couple for help and advice, and
my daughter's friend told him about my daughter. He
contacted her via the Internet and tempted her with
the offer of everything she is looking for, including
completion of her specialised studies overseas. My
daughter was impressed with this idea, and hastened to
suggest it to the family. After studying the matter,
we – her family – found the following problems:
- We do not know anything about whether his Islam is
- We do not know anything about his character.
- We do not know anything about his true origins.
- We do not know anything about his true intentions.
- There is no compatibility in age.
- There is no compatibility in social environment.
- Our daughter's children will not be Arabs.
- He can find what he wants in Germany.
This is as far as he is concerned; as far as our
daughter is concerned, we can sum it up as follows:
- There is no worry about the girl's future, seeing
that she is a doctor.
- Alternatives are available in her own country, as
there are plenty of young Algerian men
- Preservation of Islamic and Arabic values is a
Hence our family decided to seek your advice so that
you can give us the shar‘i opinion on this matter;
perhaps we have neglected some shar‘i aspect of the
Praise be to Allaah.
Although we appreciate your daughter telling her
family about this man's offer and what he has promised
her, we do not approve of her corresponding with and
talking to a man who is not her mahram. Although she
may have been wise and mature – praise be to Allah –
there are many other girls who have fallen victim to
After thinking about what you have told us about your
daughter and about that German man, we strongly advise
you not to accept him as a husband for your daughter.
The points you have listed are sufficient for a ruling
of this type. The shar‘i prescription that the
guardian should play a fundamental role in the
marriage contract is supremely wise, lest the girl
follow her whims and desires and accept any sweet talk
that may make her build up false hopes. The proof of
that is that you did not want to base your judgement
solely on what you felt about this man; rather you
also hastened to submit a question to this website.
This indicates – in sha Allah – that you are a family
that is fit to be in this position of responsibility,
as you are trying sincerely to protect your daughter.
The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him)
advised guardians to choose those who are good and
righteous to marry the females under their
guardianship, namely those who are pleasing in terms
of religious commitment and character. It was narrated
that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him)
said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of
Allah be upon him) said: "If there comes to you one
with whose attitude and religious commitment you are
pleased, then marry (your daughter or female relative
under your care) to him, for if you do not do that
there will be fitnah in the land and widespread
Narrated by at-Tirmidhi, 1084; Ibn Maajah, 1967;
classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh at-Tirmidhi.
A man said to al-Hasan: I have a daughter; to whom do
you think I should give her in marriage? He said: Gave
her in marriage to one who fears Allah, may He be
exalted, for if he loves her he will honour her, and
if he resents her he will not mistreat her.
How can you find out this man who wants to marry your
daughter? Here we should point out that he may really
be a Muslim, and he may be sincere in his wishes, but
you do not know any of that, or anything else, about
him. If we assume that it has confirmed to you that he
is a sincere Muslim, the other things that you mention
after his being Muslim are also sufficient to rule
that he is not suitable to marry your daughter. And
among these things, it is sufficient that she would be
living in a non-Muslim country, and she would be
studying and working in their environment and in their
country, which gives rise to fear for her religious
commitment and morals. Usually the differences of
environments, languages and natures has a negative
impact, which leads to failure of the marriage in many
Hence we agree with you completely that you should
reject this marriage, and we advise your daughter to
forget about accepting this man as a husband. She
should understand that the opinion of her family and
those who have more knowledge than she does about men
and environments should, beyond any shadow of a doubt,
take precedence over her opinion. She should ask her
Lord to choose for her the best of righteous men to be
her husband, so together they can establish a family
based on obedience to Allah and raise – in sha Allah –
We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to guide her to the
best of words, deeds and attitudes, and to bless her
with a righteous husband and righteous offspring.
And Allah knows best.
Is It Permissible To Correspond With
One's Fiancée Via E-mail?
Is it allo wed to send emails to your fiance
during engagement to agree about certain things before
the wedding with her parents knowing about it and
reading each email that I send to her?.
Praise be to Allaah.
There is nothing wrong with corresponding with your
fiancée in order to agree on matters to do with the
wedding, if that is done with the knowledge and
supervision of her parents, and it is free of any
expressions of love that are not permissible between a
man and a non-mahram woman. It is well known that the
man is a "stranger" (non-mahram) to his fiancée until
the marriage contract is done.
It makes no difference whether this correspondence is
done via e-mail or regular mail, or over the
telephone, but it is better if the correspondence and
conversation is with her guardian only.
Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan (may Allaah preserve him) was
asked about a man speaking to his fiancée over the
phone – is that permissible according to sharee'ah or
There is nothing wrong with a man speaking to his
fiancée over the phone, if that is after they have
agreed to marry, and the conversation is in order to
discuss different issues and is done only as much as
is needed, and there is no fitnah involved. If that is
done through her wali (guardian) that is preferable
and less dubious.
End quote from al-Muntaqa, 3/163
And Allaah knows best.