If He Asks Her To Say "I Accept So And
So As A Husband Before Allaah", Does She Become His
Islamic Rulings - Living Shariah Verdicts
Islamic Questions & Answers
My problem is that I
got to know someone on the Net and we loved one
another, but after that he asked me to marry him so
that our conversing would not be haraam, and the way
to do that was that I would say: "I, So and so, accept
So and so as a husband before Allaah." After that he
asked me to take off my hijab in front of him but I
refused because I was not convinced about this
marriage with regard to its conditions. He said: There
was acceptance and the mahr (dowry). I said: I don't
want it and there were no witnesses. He said: There
were witnesses; but I did not see them myself. He
insisted that it is a valid marriage but I am not
convinced of that. I hope to find out from you whether
I am regarded as his wife or not. I do not want to
fall into haraam by speaking to him.
Praise be to Allaah.
This is not a marriage, rather it is a deviation and
calling it a marriage is lying and deceit. What you
must do is cut off ties with this man who is toying
with the rulings of Allaah, and regarding as
permissible that which Allaah has forbidden. His claim
that this is a marriage means that he regards it as
permissible to do with you what a man does with his
wife. Wouldn't any adulterer on the face of the earth
be able to do such a marriage with the immoral
adulteress who is his partner in sin, so that she
would be his wife and they would not be committing
We are afraid that he may gradually make you take off
your hijab in front of him or do something even worse,
and take a picture of you and try to threaten you with
this picture. It is easy nowadays to combine pictures
with one another and threaten you using these pictures
if you do not do what he wants. Many such cases have
happened. See the answer to question no. 91868 and
learn a lesson from it.
How many heedless women have been gradually tricked in
such ways by treacherous "wolves" until they lost
their honour and chastity, then these men leave them,
forgetting about the so-called marriage, and there is
no maintenance and no rights, not even a divorce!
In a valid marriage it is essential that the woman's
guardian be present, along with two witnesses of good
character from among the Muslims. Any marriage that is
conducted without a guardian is invalid, and a woman
who gives herself in marriage without her guardian is
a zaaniyah (adulteress), as Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah
be pleased with him) said: "The one who gives herself
in marriage is a zaaniyah." Narrated by al-Daaraqutni.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "There is no marriage except with a
guardian and two witnesses." Narrated by al-Bayhaqi,
classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami'
And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "Any woman who gives herself in marriage without
the permission of her guardian, her marriage is
invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is
invalid." Narrated by Ahmad (24417), Abu Dawood (2083)
and al-Tirmidhi (1102); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani
in Saheeh al-Jaami' (2709).
Its seems to us from your question that you fear
Allaah, may He be exalted, and you do not want to fall
into haraam and be exposed to the wrath of the
Almighty. Hence we advise you strongly to forget about
this man and to cut off all ties with him, via the
internet or otherwise, for every word, smile and
moment of desire will be recorded against you, and
tomorrow you will be questioned about it before your
Lord. So hasten to repent so that these sins will be
erased. We ask Allaah to forgive you and to divert you
away from this evildoer, and to protect the daughters
of the Muslims.
See also questions no. 21933 and 84089.
And Allaah knows best.
She married without her wali's
consent and the marriage contract was done without her
I got married a while
ago to a man with a marriage contract done by a
lawyer, because of certain circumstances, on the basis
that when things changed, we would get married in the
presence of a notary public, in sha Allaah. In the
marriage contract all the clauses were valid and the
witnesses were the lawyer himself and his partner. But
I was not present because circumstances did not allow
that, and it was essential that the matter be done so
the marriage contract was done without me being
present. Because we trusted the lawyer and he trusted
us. When my husband brought the marriage contract we
put our hands on the Holy Qur'aan and exchanged vows
of marriage according to the laws of Allaah and His
Messenger and according to the madhhab of Imam Abu
Haneefah, and we lived as man and wife until my
My question is: is what happened halaal or haraam?
Because I have started to get worried and I am afraid
that what happened was not done properly, because I
was not present and the witnesses did not hear me.
Praise be to Allaah.
We are very upset to hear of the Muslims toying to
such an extent with the marriage contract which Allaah
calls "a firm and strong covenant" [al-Nisa' 4:21].
We are astounded by this audacity in transgressing the
sacred limits of Allaah.
Would this lawyer or the husband or the witnesses
agree for his daughter or sister to be married in such
a way, without his knowledge or consent?
We do not think that anyone who has any kind of
manhood or decency would accept that for his daughter
or sister, so why would they accept it for the
daughters of other people?
Moreover, with regard to these witnesses, what did
they witness? The wife was not present, and they did
not hear from her or from her guardian that she agreed
to this marriage. It is not permissible for a witness
to bear witness to anything but that which he knows.
As for the lawyer or anyone else simply being
trustworthy, that does not make it permissible for
them to bear witness to something that they do not
The marriage contract done in this manner is not
valid, because it is not valid for a woman to give
herself in marriage, rather it is essential that her
guardian (wali) be present and give his consent. The
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "There is no marriage except with a guardian."
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1101); classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Irwa' al-Ghaleel (1893).
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "Any woman who gets married without the
permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid,
her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid."
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1102), classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Irwa' al-Ghaleel (1840).
Your saying that the marriage was done in accordance
with the madhhab of Abu Haneefah does not alter the
ruling in the slightest, because the opinion of anyone
does not outweigh the words of the Messenger (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and the
Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
ruled as you know, that a woman cannot give herself in
marriage and that the marriage of one who gave herself
in marriage is invalid.
Shaykh Ahmad Shaakir (may Allaah have mercy on him)
said some very important words about this matter:
What no one among the scholars doubts is that the
hadeeth "There is no marriage except with a guardian"
is a saheeh hadeeth, which is proven by means of an
isnaad which almost reaches the level of mutawaatir.
This is the view of all the scholars, which is
supported by the Qur'aan, and no one disagreed with
that as far as we know except the Hanafis and those
who followed them. The early ones among them may be
excused, as it may be that the hadeeth did not reach
them at that time with a saheeh isnaad. As for the
later ones among them, they fell pray to sectarianism
and tried hard to prove the reports weak or
misinterpret them without any proof.
And now we can see in many of the Muslim lands which
follow the Hanafi madhhab with regard to this issue
the destructive effects of this view on morals,
manners and people's honour, which means that most of
the marriages of women who got married without their
guardians or in spite of them, are invalid according
to sharee'ah, which means that their children are
I urge the Muslim scholars and leaders in every land
and region to re-examine this serious issue and return
to that which was enjoined by Allaah and His
Messenger, which is the requirement of a wise wali in
the marriage, so that we will avoid many of the
dangers to which women are exposed, because of their
ignorance and rashness, and their pursuit of false
freedoms, and their following their whims and desires,
especially the misled ones among them, the educated
class, which fills our hearts with sorrow and grief.
May Allaah guide us to the laws of Islam and grant us
a good end. End quote.
Mukhtasar Tafseer Ibn Katheer (1/286).
Based on this, the marriage that took place between
you is not valid, and the way to make it valid is to
do a new marriage contract in the presence of your
wali and two witnesses.
We ask Allaah to set your affairs straight.
And Allaah knows best.