Is It Obligatory To Have Intercourse On
The Wedding Night? Affection And Compassion Between
Islamic Rulings - Living Shariah Verdicts
Islamic Questions & Answers
I want know it is
compalssery to intercourse at marraige first night.
Sorry about my spelling mistakes.
Praise be to Allaah.
It is not obligatory for the man to have intercourse
with his wife on the wedding night. They may delay
that until the time that they choose. But intercourse
-- in general -- is obligatory, and it is the right of
both spouses, and the wife must allow the husband to
do that when he wants, so long as it is not harmful to
her, and the husband must have intercourse with his
wife as much as suffices her, so long as it does not
weaken him physically or distract him from earning a
See also question number 1078.
And Allaah knows best.
Affection And Compassion Between
What is the rule on a
health problem(for example:migraine, nerve blockings,
and others), and the need to rest(prescribed by the
doctor)), but not being allowed to rest by my husband
as he refuses to do anything to relieve me(we have
children), he even doesnt acknowledge my health
problem as I am young and he is convinced it is
impossible for me to have so many health problems.
What can i do?.
Praise be to Allaah.
One of the greatest aims of marriage according to the
laws of Allaah is so that affection and compassion may
prevail between the spouses. This is the foundation on
which married life should be built. Allaah, may He be
exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you
wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose
in them, and He has put between you affection and
al-Haafiz Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him)
said: Affection means love, and compassion means
kindness. A man keeps a woman either because he loves
her or her because he feels compassion towards her
because he has children from her.
Our advice to you is not to ignore the affection and
compassion between spouses that Allaah has mentioned
in this verse. Think about the Mothers of the
Believers, and the womenfolk of the Sahaabah (may
Allaah be pleased with them all), especially the role
of Khadeejah (may Allaah be pleased with her) with the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).
Try to make your family happy and you will see the
effect of that in sha Allaah.
One of the greatest means of attaining happiness and
cheerfulness is what was narrated from one of the
righteous: Kindness is something easy: a cheerful face
and a gentle word. So try to adopt this kindness
towards your husband – until it becomes ingrained in
you – and you will win his heart and make him be
affectionate and compassionate towards you.
But before all that, and above all that, our Lord says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal.
Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allaah
orders the faithful believers to be patient at the
time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them
badly) then verily he, between whom and you there was
enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend.
35. But none is granted it (the above quality) except
those who are patient — and none is granted it except
the owner of the great portion (of happiness in the
Hereafter, i.e., Paradise and of a high moral
character) in this world"
Shaykh Ibn Sa'di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
i.e., Good deeds and acts of obedience that are done
for the sake of Allaah cannot be equal to bad deeds
and sins that earn His wrath and do not please Him.
Kindness towards others cannot be equal to
mistreatment of them. "Is there any reward for good
other than good?"[al-Rahmaan 55:60].
Then He enjoins a specific type of kindness which has
a great impact, which is kindness towards the one who
treats you badly. He says: "Repel (the evil) with one
which is better" i.e., if someone mistreats you,
especially if he has great rights over you, such as
relatives and friends and the like, and he mistreats
you in word or in deed, then respond by treating him
kindly. If he cuts off ties with you then uphold ties
with him; if he wrongs you, forgive him; if he speaks
against you, in your absence or in your presence, do
not respond in kind, rather forgive him, and deal with
him by speaking kindly; if he shuns you and does not
speak to you, then speak nicely to him, and greet him
with salaam. If you respond to mistreatment with kind
treatment, that will do a great deal of good.
"then verily he, between whom and you there was
enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend"
i.e., as if he is close to you and a good friend.
"But none is granted it" i.e., this praiseworthy
quality is not given to anyone "except those who are
patient" and put up with what they dislike, and force
themselves to do what Allaah loves, for souls are
created with a natural inclination to respond to bad
treatment in kind and not to forgive it, so how can
they respond in a good manner?
If a person is patient and obeys the command of his
Lord, and understands the great reward, and knows that
responding in kind to the one who mistreats him will
not achieve anything and will only make the enmity
worse, and that treating him kindly will not cause him
any humiliation, rather it will raise him in status,
because the one who shows humility for the sake of
Allaah, Allaah will raise him in status thereby, then
the matter will become easy for him and he will do
that with joy and pleasure.
"and none is granted it except the owner of the great
portion" because this is a characteristic of the elite
people, by means of which a person attains a high
status in this world and in the Hereafter, which is
one of the greatest and noblest of characteristics.
Tafseer al-Sa'di (549-550)
If all of this applies to the rights of people in
general, then what about the rights of your wife? The
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "If I were to order anyone to prostrate to
anyone else, I would have ordered women to prostrate
to their husbands, because of the rights that Allaah
has given them over them." Narrated by Abu Dawood
(2140) and al-Tirmidhi (1192); classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (1203).
We have started by speaking to you, because you are
the one who asked the question, and we think that you
are more likely to listen and respond to our advice.
If that means giving up some of your rights and
forgiving the one who has wronged you, then there is
nothing wrong with that. Who can say that giving up
some of one's rights or forgiving some mistreatment is
shameful or a shortcoming? Rather it is perfection.
Muslim narrated in his Saheeh (2588) from Abu Hurayrah
that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "Charity does not decrease
wealth. No one forgives, but Allaah increases him in
honour, and no one humbles himself before Allaah but
Allaah raises him in status."
As for speaking to your husband or rebuking him, it is
words of sincere advice and a rebuke from those who
love good for him and fear for the bad consequences
that he may face as a result of his actions; they want
to warn him against obeying Iblees and making him
happy, and disobeying and incurring the wrath of the
Most Merciful, may He be exalted.
As for his obeying Ibleese, Muslim narrated in his
Saheeh (2813) that Jaabir (may Allaah be pleased with
him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: Iblees places
his throne over the water, then he sends out his
troops, and the one who is closest in status to him is
the one who causes the greatest amount of fitnah
(tribulation or temptation). One of them comes and
says, I have done such and such, and he says: You have
not done anything. Then one of them comes and says: I
did not leave him until I separated him and his wife.
Then he draws him close to him and says: How good you
are." Al-A'mash said: I think he said: "and he
As for his incurring the wrath of the Most Merciful
and disobeying Him, let him listen to what the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
"Fear Allaah with regard to women, for you have taken
them as a trust from Allaah, and intimacy with them
has become permissible to you by the word of Allaah."
Narrated by Muslim (1218).
Is this how you take a trust from Allaah, O slave of
Is this how you deal with the word of Allaah, O slave
Is this how you respond to the advice of the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who said:
"I urge you to treat women well" (narrated by al-Bukhaari
(3331) and Muslim (1468))?
And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "The best of you is the one who is best to his
wife, and I am the best of you to my wives." Narrated
by al-Tirmidhi (3895) and Ibn Majaah (1977); classed
as aheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
Or is this what living with them honourably means?
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "and live
with them honourably" [al-Nisa' 4:19].
Is this what taking care of them means? The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
"Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is
responsible for his flock. The ruler of the people is
a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is
the shepherd of his household and is responsible for
his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband's
house and children and is responsible for her flock.
The slave is the shepherd of his master's wealth and
is responsible for it. Each of you is a shepherd and
each of you is responsible for his flock." Narrated by
al-Bukhaari (893) and Muslim (1829).
Have you not heard what the great Sahaabi, ‘Aa'idh ibn
‘Amr (may Allaah be pleased with him) said when he
entered upon ‘Ubayd-Allaah ibn Ziyaad, the oppressive
governor? The Sahaabi said to him: O my son, I heard
the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) say: "The worst of guardians are those
who are cruel. Beware lest you be one of them."
Narrated by Muslim (1830).
Are you not afraid that you may be one of them?
Have you never heard that everyone gets headaches
We have never heard of anything stranger or weirder
Or perhaps you need some proof? Listen to this, O
slave of Allaah:
It was narrated that ‘Aa'ishah said: The Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
came back from al-Baqee' and I had a headache and was
saying, Oh my head. He said, "Rather, I should say, Oh
my head, O ‘Aa'ishah." Narrated by Ibn Majaah (1465);
classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Takhreej al-Mishkaat
You should remember that when the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) died, ‘Aa'ishah was
eighteen years old, which means that when she
complained of this headache she was younger than
eighteen, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) believed her and treated her with
compassion. ‘Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her)
was asked: What did the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) do in his house? She said: He
used to serve his family, then when the time for
prayer came, he would go out to pray. Narrated by al-Bukhaari
This is evidence if you need it, but we do not think
that you need evidence. Rather you need to act. The
way is ahead of you but you are not moving.
We have spoken to you at length, but if a person does
not benefit from a little then he will not benefit
from a lot.
You should think that you may be afflicted one day and
you will need this weak woman to support you and look
after your affairs. Would you like her to treat you as
you are treating her?
Or would you like her to be better than you, and to
believe you, although you did not believe her, and to
support you, although you let her down, and to treat
you kindly although you are treating her harshly, and
to be forbearing towards you although you are treating
By Allaah, even the sweeter of the two is bitter.
Choose for yourself the path of kindness. "Is there
any reward for good other than good?"[al-Rahmaan