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Is One's Life Partner Chosen By Oneself Or Decreed By Allah? Younger Brother Getting Married Before Older Brother

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What does Islam say about life partner,,,is she/he fixed by Allah or Allah has left it for us to decided?

Praise be to Allaah.

First of all, we should realize that there is no contradiction between our belief that Allaah has decreed everything, and our belief that He has given us free will which enables us to do things. Confirming the free will of His slaves, Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "To whomsoever among you wills to walk straight" [al-Takweer 81:28]

Our will operates within the will of Allaah, not outside of it, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "But you cannot will, unless Allaah wills…" [al-Insaan 76:30] Thus it is not permitted to try to cancel one idea out with the other, or to deny either of them. Allaah has confirmed both, that man has the power to choose, and that nothing can operate outside of His Will, may He be glorified.

If we apply this to the question asked, we will see that man has freedom of will through which he can choose whichever woman he wishes to marry, and that whatever choice he makes has already been decreed by Allaah. The man's choice is the means by which he gets what he wants, but some obstacles may come between the person and what he wants, in which case he will realize that Allaah has not decreed this for him, for some reason which is known to Him. Everything that Allaah does is good, and His slaves do not have knowledge of the Unseen or of how things will end. A person may regret missing out on something when it is good that he did not have it, or he may hate something that happens to him when it is good that it happened to him, as Allaah tells us (interpretation of the meaning): "… it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows but you do not know." [al-Baqarah 2:216]

May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

Younger Brother Getting Married Before Older Brother

I am a young man aged 21 years. I want to get married but I have two older brothers who have not got married yet. Is it permissible for me to get married before them?

Praise be to Allaah.

This question was put to Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him), who said:

I say to the brother who is asking the question, you are not too young to get married. ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas got married when he was 11 years old, and he had a child. Hence it was said that that there was only thirteen years between him and his son ‘Abd-Allaah.

I say to the brother who is asking the question, put your trust in Allaah and get married, and when it is easy for your two older brothers to get married they will get married too.

This is one of the grievous mistakes that some people make, when they do not let the younger daughter marry so longer as there is an older sibling. This is a shame.

If someone whose character and religious commitment are suitable proposes marriage to her, then they should let her get married to him. Maybe there is something preventing the older sister from getting married. Often what happens is that it is decreed that the younger sister will marry first, so if the younger sister is not allowed to marry first, the older sister is prevented from marrying. Then when the younger sister gets married, Allaah opens the door for the older sister (to get married). This is something which is well known from experience, i.e., that not letting one daughter get married may prevent another from getting married. The same may apply to having children. We have heard more than one story of a man who gets married and remains childless for fifteen years, then he takes a second wife and the second wife gets pregnant from the first night of marriage, and then the first wife get pregnant at the same time.

So we say to the one who is asking: get married and do not think that this means you are disobeying your parents or severing your ties of kinship with your brothers.

Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen From the tape al-Liqaa' al-Shahriyyah, 15.

 

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