She Is Married To A Muslim And Hijab Is
Putting Her Off Islam: A Christian Woman Asking For
Advice About Her Relationship With A Muslim
Islamic Rulings -
Living Shariah Verdicts
Islamic Questions & Answers
My husbad is Muslim and has talked frequently
about me becoming Muslim myself. I just have one
concern... the women being covered. Why do they need
to cover themselves and only reveal what is odinarily
revealed. I am American, we reveal almost the entire
body here. I just want to get an understanding.
Praise be to Allaah.
There can be no doubt that Allaah only enjoins that in
which there is wisdom, but in some cases the wisdom
behind some rulings may be hidden from people, and in
some cases it may be quite obvious – such as the
prohibition on alcohol which clouds the mind and
hinders people from the remembrance of Allaah and from
prayer [cf. al-Maa'idah 5:91].
The wisdom behind the prescription of hijab is one of
the most clear, because it is a covering for woman and
guards their chastity, and it prevents the foolish
from making approaches and harassing them. How often
has a woman's hijab prevented the devils among mankind
from harrassing her? How often have unveiled women
made a display of their beauty and charms, which has
led to their being harrassed by the foolish?
Concerning this, Allaah says (interpretation of the
"O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the
women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils)
all over their bodies (i.e. screen themselves
completely except the eyes or one eye to see the way).
That will be better, that they should be known (as
free respectable women) so as not to be annoyed. And
Allaah is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful"
This verse gives the complete answer to your question,
because Allaah mentions here the command to His
Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
to tell his wives and daughters and the believing
women to wear hijab, and it mentions the wisdom behind
that, which is so that they may be protected and not
exposed to annoyance.
When women go out showing most of their bodies – as
the questioner mentions – this is one of the greatest
causes of crime and corruption of men's morals, and of
the spread of immorality. It is also degrading for
woman, as we see women becoming cheap products for
business-owners and advertisers, who show woman
half-naked and devoid of modesty in order to attract
customers and market their products.
A woman's body belongs to her and is not to be shared
with people. When she gets married it belongs to her
husband and she should not let anyone else have a
share in it. What does a woman want when she shows her
body and exposes her charms to onlookers? Does she
just want them to look and stare, and what is the
affect of that on rapists and the foolish? How are you
going to stop them from getting what they want by
attacking you and trying to rape you. Are you going to
show some meat to the hungry and then try to stop them
from eating it?
In a modern study it was shown that:
65% of female workers are exposed to sexual harassment
in their place of work in some European countries.
18% of women in America have been raped or been
subjected to attempted rape at some stage in their
More than half of victims were under the age of 17.
Kitaab Ihsaa'aat, Diraasaat, Arqaam (p. 140).
Islamic sharee'ah brought that which is best for men
and for women, and for the family and society. It does
not impose restrictions on women as some enemies of
Islam claim. Islam allows women to work, seek
knowledge, engage in business, testify in court,
uphold the ties of kinship, visit the sick, and so on,
but it has set limits regarding her going out in order
to protect her and to prevent the foolish from
We say to the questioner:
Many western women, when they think about it and come
to know the reality of Allaah's laws concerning women,
do not hesitate to declare their Islam and enter into
the religion of the Prophets and the righteous.
In Islam, women are protected and looked after. That
is not in return for her staying in the home only,
rather that is because she plays a great role, which
is taking care of her husband and raising and caring
for children. This is an important role, because the
soundness or corruption of society depends on the
extent to which mothers are successful in their
raising and teaching of their children.
One of the largest British insurance companies carried
out a study on one million housewives, which produced
amazing results. This study showed that the average
full-time housewife spends 19 hours per day meeting
the needs of her family, because she is the one who is
raising the children, teaching them, looking after
family members when they fall sick, and is responsible
for the household budget.
In addition to that – looking at what the houswife's
value from a purely materialistic point of view, far
removed from any emotional criteria – a woman who
stays at home is the most valuable thing the family
Op. cit., p. 118, 119
It has become clear to many wise women the serious
danger posed by the false freedom that they are
enjoying and they have finally realized where this
path will lead them. It is stated in another study
80% of American women think that the freedom that
women have gained in the last 30 years is the reason
for the promiscuity and violence that are prevalent
75% feel worried about the loss of values and the
disintegration of the family.
80% have great difficulty in combining their
responsibilities at work with their responsibilities
towards their husbands and children.
87% said that if the clock was turned back they would
consider the demands for equality as a social
conspiracy against the United States and they would
resist those who raise the banner of equality.
op. cit., p. 147
All it needs is for you to think about the matter a
little, and look at real life, and you will see that
hijab spares women from evil, harm and crimes. Islam
has closed the door to such evils with its laws,
including the requirement for women past the age of
puberty to wear hijab.
Finally we would like to congratulate you on the fact
that Allaah has granted you a Muslim husband, so that
you will be able to see Islam in practice from him and
his Muslim relatives, which may encourage you to enter
Islam and which may remove the barrier of fear about
entering this great and purely monotheistic religion.
Also note that entering this final religion, which
Allaah wants for all people, is a great honour of
which you may be deprived if you delay and death then
overtakes you. So hasten to enter Islam, with
submission to the will of Allaah, with eagerness and
delighting in this blessing of Allaah.
You should note that if you fall short in your
observance of hijab because your human weakness or you
feel embarrassed in front of your people, this is
regarded as a sin. That should not prevent you from
doing the great good deed which will lead you to
Paradise and save you from Hell, namely embracing
Islam. You should also note that the Shaytaan (Satan)
is the enemy of all the sons of Adam, and he is the
one who is stirring up these doubts in order to
prevent you from entering this religion, so that he
can increase the number of those who will follow him
to Hell. So be strong and courageous in making the
decision that will lead to eternal happiness, by
Allaah's leave. We ask Allaah to help you and to give
you the will power to enter Islam as our sister in
Islam, and to share this blessing. We thank you for
your confidence in us.
And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight path.
A Christian woman is asking for
advice about her relationship with a Muslim who talks
with her and goes out with her
Very Happy to reach your site, hope I find my
solution here, here's my story.
I am a 23-years mother with two kids. I have met a
30-years Muslim man, talked together on phone, things
went well, and finally I met him face to face last
Saturday when we talked for 5 minutes before he
leaves. Then we met again on Sunday, went to see a
movie, and he kissed me on my lips. I am not sure of
his adherence to Islam, all I know is that he doesn't
smoke nor does he drink alcohol. He even advises me to
keep away from such two bad habits.
My question is : can a Muslim behave seriously with a
woman like me with two children (not cheating)? A
Muslim sister answered me with "No" because I am not a
virgin in addition that dating is not allowed in
Islam. I am feeling badly as I love him much and
respect his religion. I can't imagine how his family
will look to me if both he and me keep this relation?
Will they think ill of me as a bad woman who has two
kids and go out with men? I know it is not permissible
for a Muslim man to date a (non-mahram) woman and go
out with her, but I don't know how did I do that? I
love him and when we meet, we talk in many things, he
tells me that I am everything for him, he became a
captive lover to me, and he will never exploit me
oneday, he promised not to do. Since first day we have
met, I told him on Facebook site that if he is looking
for sex, he can search for it in another place. I was
kissing him out of love but didn't fall in adultery.
Please deliver an advice that can show me the right
Praise be to Allaah.
Allah created men and women and created in each of
them attraction towards the other as part of their
nature, which no one can deny. Islam pays attention to
that and regulates the relationship between the two,
which is restricted to marriage; Islam forbids any
other kind of relationship which is unacceptable to
sound human nature and proper thinking. Woman is not a
cheap product for anyone who wants to have his way
with her; rather she is respected and should be for
one man to take care of her, spend on her and give her
her rights. The way to take a woman as a wife is by
seeing her first, then asking her guardian for her
hand, then giving some wealth to be a dowry for her.
All of that means that Islam regards woman as a
respectable being, not something that is easily
obtained, so that she will not be treated carelessly
and looked down upon. What we see in the world of
promiscuity is that a man tries to get a woman he
likes in order to have his way with her, then he
throws her aside so that he can look for another who
is more beautiful than her, and so on; and he moves
from one prey to another, one girlfriend to another.
Thus no family is formed and no children are born; as
a result no family is formed on a basis of peace and
tranquillity. All of that is rejected in Islam which
forbids it in a way that leaves no room for
differences of opinion. Every Muslim who goes against
that is following his whims and desires and is
imitating deviant and immoral people. Islam disavows
his conduct and actions.
Based on that, relationships that occur between men
and women outside the framework of legitimate,
documented marriage are haraam (forbidden)
relationships which it is not permissible for a Muslim
to form with any woman, whether she is Muslim or
non-Muslim. We admire your telling this Muslim man who
is going against his religion that if he is looking
for sex he should look somewhere else. This confirms
what we have said, that woman is not a cheap product.
But we do not approve of your going out with him and
what happened between you of being alone together and
kissing. If you think that this is something normal in
your view, that is not the case for us. What he has
done are things that are forbidden in Islam and it is
not appropriate for a Muslim to do them. If you like
each other, then the only way for meetings between you
to be permissible is marriage and nothing else. Any
meeting or relationship with a woman who is not
related to the man that occurs outside the framework
of marriage is haraam (forbidden) and is deserving of
punishment in the Hereafter.
See, for example, the answer to question no. 34841.
You should note that Islam permits marriage to a
Christian woman on condition that she should be a
believer in her religion and she should not be an
atheist or a person with no religion, and on condition
that she should be chaste and honourable, not a
fornicator or a woman who has boyfriends. In order for
the marriage contract to be valid, you should have a
guardian who will give your hand in marriage and there
should be two Muslim witnesses to the marriage
contract; announcement of the marriage may take the
place of witnesses. For more details on this, please
see the answer to questions no. 2527 and 12283.
The fact that a woman has children from a previous
marriage does not affect her marriage to a Muslim. If
someone says that it is not permissible for a
Christian or Jewish woman to marry a Muslim unless she
is a virgin, that view is not correct. Rather the
condition for her being permissible (as a wife for a
Muslim man) is that she should be chaste and avoid
fornication. This condition also applies to Muslim
women; it is not permissible for a chaste Muslim man
to marry a woman who commits fornication unless she
repents sincerely. And it is not permissible for a
chaste woman to marry a man who commits fornication
unless he repents sincerely, as we have explained in
the answer to question no. 85335.
As the relationship between you has not gone as far as
fornication or adultery as you say, praise be to
Allah, then there is no reason why he should not marry
you, as we have explained in the answer to question
With regard to the Muslim man's family, they may
accept their son marrying a Christian woman who has
children. If they refuse, that is not because it is
something that is forbidden in Islam; rather it may be
for cultural reasons, or perhaps because they think
that their son is not able to fulfil the rights of
that wife and take care of her children. But they
cannot accept their son having a girlfriend with whom
he spends time alone or travels with her; if they
accept that, then they are undoubtedly going against
The issue of whether or not his family will accept
that is a social issue, not a religious ruling. It is
not one of the conditions of a man's marriage that his
family should accept it, although that is something
that is desirable.
Even though the man is Muslim – as you say – that does
not prevent us from speaking the truth with regard to
what he has done with you and the ruling on his
relationship with you. We would give you some further
advice: do not pay any attention to the sweet talk
from anyone who has a relationship with you outside
the framework of marriage. That includes this man's
saying that he has become "a captive love" to you and
that he "will never exploit" you, and other such
enchanting words. All of that is most likely aimed at
getting what he wants, which is to have his way with
you, then he will go off and look for someone else.
What we are saying is only based on understanding the
reality of illicit relationships, especially those
that begin in chat rooms and on Facebook. We hope that
you will not be deceived by this sweet talk. If this
man is sincere in his love for you, then let him prove
it by marrying you. As for proving that by going out
together to watch a movie or to a restaurant, none of
that is proof of sincerity of feelings, so do not pin
your hopes on it. Even if non-Muslims do that and
women accept it, Islam forbids it and does not approve
it, and it warns women against being fooled by it.
Now the opportunity presents itself for us to tell you
of something that will be better for you in this world
and in the Hereafter, which is to enter Islam and
become a Muslim woman who affirms the Oneness of
Allah, the Creator of the universe and the Provider of
all creation. This religion to which we are calling
you is the religion of Jesus (peace be upon him) and
the religion of Abraham and their fellow Prophets and
Messengers, all of whom worshipped One Lord, namely
Allah, may He be glorified and exalted. They devoted
their worship to Him alone, with no partner or
associate, and they called the people to do likewise.
Islam is the religion that brought rulings which are
suited to all times and all places; it addresses the
interests of individuals and societies. You will feel
great happiness, as has been experienced by those who
have gone ahead of you on this path. After that, Allah
will make it easy for you to find a suitable husband
who will take care of you, give you your rights and
seek reward with Allah by taking care of your
children, and perhaps you and he will attain the
reward of their becoming Muslim and you will be
together with them in this world and the Hereafter. If
you do not become Muslim, then you must understand
that even if you are together with a Muslim man as his
wife in this world, in the Hereafter you will
inevitably be separated from him. This underlines what
we have said, that your becoming Muslim means
attaining success in this world and in the Hereafter.
Being together with your husband and children in the
Paradise of eternity is a great success for which wise
people strive and those who are doomed miss out on.
We ask Allah to guide you to that which is best for
you in this world and in the Hereafter, and to make it
easy for you to find a righteous and good husband.
And Allah knows best.