Should He Marry A Woman Who Got
Divorced For His Sake? Married woman In Deep Love,
What Should He Do?
09 August 2012
Islamic Rulings - Living
Islamic Questions & Answers
I am a man who has been married for 13 years and
I have three children. About two years ago I left my
wife's bed because my wife had gotten very fat and
does not take care of herself.
One and a half years ago I got to know a married
woman, and this woman fell deeply in love with me, to
such an extent that she left her husband and two
daughters and got divorced. Since her divorce she has
been very attached to me. So much so that she came
from her city to marry me here and visit me and stay
with me for a few days (my family are in another
city). She calls me every day and gets in touch via
e-mail. We agreed several times to get married, but I
changed my mind every time out of fear for my children
and the breakup of my family. But at the same time I
feel very sorry for her, because she sacrificed her
life and her daughters for the sake of our happiness
together (even though I did not ask her to get
divorced). I want to marry this woman, but at the same
time I cannot forget that she was the wife of another
man before me and she had sex with him. Now I have
become religiously committed since Ramadaan, and I do
not miss any opportunity to pray in the mosque, and I
read Qur'aan and I give charity; my attitude has
become excellent compared to what it was before. She
has also become much better. But I am afraid before
Allaah that I may have been the cause of her first
family breaking up, and I want to live with her as a
second wife. I am also afraid for my own children if
my family breaks up, and I am afraid that I will not
be able to forget her first marriage.
I hope that you can advise me because the sense of
guilt is killing me and it is affecting my worship.
Please note that I can afford to get married.
Praise be to Allaah.
It is very strange to see people who insist on
following the path that leads to doom and destruction.
It is very strange to see people who will sink to any
depths for the sake of a fleeting moment of physical
pleasure or illusionary happiness.
A person whom Allaah has blessed with a family and
children, then he or she is not content with that, and
rather tries to break up other people's families and
destroy their happiness.
That makes me wonder, what type of happiness is that
person seeking, and what sort of whims and desires is
he or she following?
And here you are …you can no longer see anything in
your wife and the mother of your children, except that
she has gotten very fat and dos not look after
How strange it is that the shaytaan can make
attractive to people that which Allaah has forbidden,
and divert them by all means from that which Allaah
has permitted to them.
For whom should your wife look after herself, when you
have forsaken her bed for such a long time and you did
not stop there, rather you decided to go and live in
one city when your wife and children are living in
Is this how families should be? Is this how you take
care of your family whom Allaah has entrusted to your
If it so happens that a man is not satisfied with one
wife, or she falls short in her duties towards him,
then Allaah has made it easier for us Muslims and has
permitted us to take four wives, one of whom may make
up for the shortcomings of another, in return for the
husband looking after them and their children, and
treating them all fairly.
Meeting one's needs is not done by looking at that
with which Allaah has blessed other people, or in
which He has favoured them over us, whether that is in
terms of a wife, children or wealth.
"And wish not for the things in which Allaah has made
some of you to excel others. For men there is reward
for what they have earned, (and likewise) for women
there is reward for what they have earned, and ask
Allaah of His Bounty. Surely, Allaah is Ever
All-Knower of everything"
As Allaah has blessed us with enough of that which is
permissible, then what need do we have of immoral ways
for the purpose of gratification, unless all a man
cares about is pursuing his rrational desires?
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be
pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "He is not
one of us who turns a woman against her husband or a
slave against his master." Narrated by Abu Dawood
(2175); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi
Abu Dawood (5170) also narrated that Abu Hurayrah
said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "Whoever corrupts a man's
wife or slave is not one of us." Classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.
Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeem Abaadi (may Allaah have mercy on
"turns a woman against her husband" means by
mentioning the husband's bad qualities in to his wife,
or mentioning the good qualities of a stranger (non-mahram
man) to her.
‘Awn al-Ma'bood (6/159).
And he said: "The one who corrupts a man's wife" means
he turns her (against her husband) or makes the idea
of divorce attractive to her so that he can marry her
or arrange her marriage to someone else, and so on.
‘Awn al-Ma'bood (14/52).
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on
him) was asked about an imam (leading people in
prayer) who turns a woman against her husband so that
she will leave him and he can be alone with her – can
people pray behind him? What is the ruling on him?
In al-Musnad it is narrated that the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "He is not
one of us who turns a woman against her husband or a
slave against his master". So the man's attempt to
separate a woman from her husband is one of the
gravest of sins; this is what the practitioners of
witchcraft try to do all the time, which is one of the
worst deeds of the devils, especially if he turns her
against her husband in order to marry her, as well as
persisting in being alone with her, and especially if
circumstantial evidence shows that. Such a man should
not be appointed as imam of a mosque unless he
repents, and if he repents, Allaah will accept his
repentance. If it is possible to pray someone else who
is of good character then people should pray behind
him and not pray behind the one who commits immoral
actions openly for no need. And Allaah knows best.
Majmoo' al-Fataawa (23/363).
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) cursed the one who does that, and
disavowed him, and it is a major sin. If the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade a
man to propose marriage to a woman to whom his brother
has already proposed, or to outbid him, then how about
one who tries to separate a man and his wife or slave
woman in order to get be with them. Lovers of physical
outward beauty and the pimps who help them do not see
that as a sin, because the lover's seeking to be with
the one whom he loves and to share her with her
husband or master is a kind of sin and transgression
against the rights of others, and that is no less
serious than committing the immoral action itself, if
not worse. But the rights of others are not waived by
repenting from immoral actions; although the rights of
Allaah are waived when one repents, the rights of
other people remain in effect and they will have the
right to demand them on the Day of Resurrection. If
the husband has been wronged by the corruption of his
beloved (wife) and she has been led to betray him,
that is a greater wrong than taking all of his wealth.
Hence this is more upsetting for him than if his
wealth was taken and there is no pain greater than
that except shedding his blood. What a grave sin that
is greater than committing the immoral action itself.
If this transgression is done to someone who is out on
campaign (for the sake of Allaah), then the sinner
will be made to stand on the Day of Resurrection, and
it will be said to him (the victom): Take from his
hasanaat whatever you wish, as the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) told us, then he
said: What do you think? i.e., what do you think will
be left of his hasanaat? If in addition to that the
one who was wronged was a neighbour, or a blood
relative, then the wrongdoing is compounded, and the
wrongdoing includes severing ties of kinship and
harming a neighbour, and no one who severs ties of
kinship will enter Paradise, and neither will one from
whose harm his neighbour was not safe.
Al-Jawaab al-Kaafi (p. 14).
Turning a wife against her husband does not only mean
pushing her to demand a divorce; rather trying to play
with her emotions and causing her to fall in love with
you is one of the worst kinds of corruption and
Yes, you did something serious when you got to know
this woman and kept in touch with her until you
destroyed her family, and she also did something
serious when she fell in love with someone other than
her husband, and asked him for a divorce, so she
destroyed her family herself, and asked for something
that was not permissible for her.
It was narrated from Thawbaan (may Allaah be pleased
with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "Any woman who asks her
husband for a divorce for no reason, the fragrance of
Paradise will be forbidden to her."
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1187), Abu Dawood (2226) and
Ibn Majaah (2055); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in
Saheeh Abi Dawood.
We hope that by means of this stern rebuke Allaah will
stir the conscience of everyone who reads this answer
and so that they will think about the evil
consequences of transgressing the set limits and
taking lightly the matter of contacting the opposite
sex and speaking to them. We have quoted several times
the view of the scholars that this is haraam.
See: 26890, 52768, 66266 and 59907.
We also hope that this will prompt both of you to
repent sincerely to Allaah and ask Him for forgiveness
for what has happened, and finally to restore people's
You should note that Allaah accepts repentance from
His slaves if it is sincere, and that the door of His
mercy is open and will not be shut until the sun rises
from the west. In many cases a person is better after
sinning and repenting from it than he was before.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Say: "O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed
against themselves (by committing evil deeds and
sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily,
Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving,
54. "And turn in repentance and in obedience with true
Faith (Islamic Monotheism) to your Lord and submit to
Him (in Islam) before the torment comes upon you,
(and) then you will not be helped"
"Truly, Allaah loves those who turn unto Him in
repentance and loves those who purify themselves"
The conditions of sincere repentance include restoring
people's rights to them, for the accountability is not
waived until the rights are restored and the person
who was wronged takes what is rightfully his in this
world, before the Hereafter.
What this woman must do is go back, and try to
apologize to her former husband through some of the
people who are close to him. If the matter has to be
referred to a qaadi (judge) he would not allow any
marriage contract with this woman, until she repents
and goes back to her husband.
It says in al-Mawsoo'ah al-Fiqhiyyah (5/251):
The fuqaha' stated clearly that pressure should be put
on him and he should be rebuked. The Maalikis
confirmed that the woman who was turned against her
husband is permanently haraam for the one who turned
her against her husband, so as to give him the
opposite of what he was trying to achieve and to serve
as a deterrent, lest people take that as a means to
A marriage that begins with disobedience towards
Allaah will usually never be successful, and it will
become a punishment and a burden for the one who did
If the husband forgives her, then praise be to Allaah,
but if he refuses and does not agree to take his wife
back, then there is nothing wrong with you two getting
married in that case, as long as you feel regret and
ask Allaah for pardon and forgiveness.
The majority of scholars say that the marriage of a
man who turned a woman against her husband so that he
would divorce her and then marries her himself is
valid, despite the sin of turning a woman against her
husband – which is the correct view, although some
Maaliki and Hanbali scholars disagreed and regarded
such marriages as invalid.
In al-Iqnaa' (3/181), which is a Hanbali book, it
He said concerning a man who turns a wife against her
husband: he should be punished severely, and his
marriage is invalid according to one of the two
scholarly opinions in the madhhabs of Maalik, Ahmad
and others, and they must be separated. End quote.
It says in al-Mawsoo'ah al-Fiqhiyyah (11/19, 20):
The Maalikis are the only ones who mentioned the
ruling on this issue, which is when a man corrupts the
wife of another man in such a way that it leads to her
being divorced from him, then the one who corrupted
her marries her.
They stated that the marriage should be nullified,
whether consummation has taken place or not, and there
is no difference of opinion concerning that; the only
thing concerning which they differed is whether or not
the woman is permanently forbidden for marriage to the
one who corrupted her. They mentioned two opinions
1 – The well known view, which is that the prohibition
is not permanent. If she goes back to her first
husband and he divorces her or he dies, then it
permissible for the one who corrupted her to marry
2 – That the prohibition is permanent. This view was
mentioned by Yoosuf ibn ‘Umar, as it says in Sharh al-Zarqaani,
and more than one of the later scholars in Fez issued
fatwas on this basis.
However, fuqaha' who are non-Maaliki did not issue any
clear ruling on this issue, but the ruling on it,
which is that it is forbidden, may be known from what
has been stated above. End quote.
In Kutub A'immah al-Da'wah al-Najdiyyah (7/89) it
Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn al-Shaykh Muhammad (may Allaah
have mercy on them both) was asked about a man who
turned a woman against her husband and married her.
The marriage of the second man, who turned her against
her husband, is invalid and he must leave her, because
he disobeyed Allaah by doing that. End quote.
We hope that if you repent properly and are sincere
towards Allaah, then you will be able to marry this
woman, if she first tries to set right what was
corrupted in her marriage with her first husband.
As for worrying about the fact that she had another
husband, and they did together what a man and wife do,
this is an idea that is worthless. What is off-putting
for a man with dignity is if a woman soiled herself by
having haraam intimate relations. As for that which
Allaah has prescribed and permitted for His slaves,
there is no reason it should be regarded as
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"It may be if he divorced you (all) that his Lord will
give him instead of you, wives better than you
___Muslims (who submit to Allaah), believers, obedient
(to Allaah), turning to Allaah in repentance,
worshipping Allaah sincerely, given to fasting or
emigrants (for Allaah's sake), previously married and
Allaah says that there is blessing in marriage to a
previously married woman as much as in marriage to a
With regard to what you fear of your children
suffering, it is something that may happen when you
marry another wife after your first marriage. What we
hope is that if you marry this woman or any other,
that you will not build a new home on the ruins of
your first family, including your first wife and
children. Rather the one who wants to indulge in this
experience must have wisdom and smartness to organize
his household affairs and deal with those under his
care; he must treat his wives fairly and give everyone
their rights, so that no one could hold him
accountable for any wrongdoing before his Lord.
An Arab man who had several wives was asked how he was
able to keep them together. He said: When we were
youthful, that helped by making them patient with me,
then I accumulated wealth that made them continue to
be patient, then what is left is kindness and good
treatment. That is what is left and is keeping us
‘Uyoon al-Akhbaar (1/396)
We ask Allaah to forgive and guide us and you two.
And Allaah knows best.