Her Father Is Asking Her For Money To Build A House For His Second Wife: It Is A Duty On Man To Be Kind To His Parents
Islamic Rulings -
Living Shariah Verdicts
Islamic Questions & Answers
Could you please tell me if a father is allowed
to talk guilt into his children, because they are not
supporting him financially. When I was still living
home I used to work and give my father money. But now
that I am married I have other responsibilities and
also my husband is against the idea of supporting my
father. We always argue about this.
My father has his own (good) salary ,but he wants to
do a lot of things that require a lot of money, like
building a house etc. (for his second wife).
(He got married for the second time to have a son, and
this has hurt us and my mother very much). It felt
like he was not satisfied with us (4 daughters).
He is always talking like we are no good to him,
saying that other people's children are doing better
than we do. This is making me very sad. I want to have
a good realtionship with him, but I always feel very
uncomfortable when he starts talking like that.
Am I obliged to support my father, despite the fact
that he is building this house for his second wife and
children? Are we responsible for all his borrowing
from other people to realize this?
Am I allowed to go against my husband and support my
Praise be to Allaah.
You should give your father whatever will please him,
provided that this does not affect your own interests
and needs. As for your husband, he has nothing to do
with your wealth that Allâh has given to you. The fact
that your father wants to build a house for his second
wife, who is your mother's co-wife, does not mean that
you are not obliged to honour him, for the child and
whatever he owns belong to the father. Yes, if there
is a conflict between obedience to your mother and
obedience to your father, then you must take a
balanced approach, whilst giving precedence to your
mother, because she takes priority when it comes to
good companionship, and her rights are greater than
those of the father. And Allâh is the source of
It is a duty on man to be kind to
Allah tells us in the Qur'an not to cut off our
blood relations. What is the interpretation of the
Ayah that commands us not to severe ties of kinship ?
Who does it refer to ? Just parents and siblings ?
What if one maintains contact with one's parents only
through telephone or letters although he is capable of
visiting them. Yet, he feels that maintaining a
certain distance is healthier to the relationship ?
Praise be to Allaah, and peace and blessings be upon
It is a duty on man to be kind to his parents, because
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "…be good
and dutiful to your parents…" [al-An'aam 6:151]; to
show gratitude to them in all kinds of ways, as Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning): "…give thanks to
Me and to your parents…" [Luqmaan 31:14]; and to show
them all kinds of good treatment, because of the
command of the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) to treat them kindly. The ways in
which one can show them kindness and respect are many,
e.g., visiting them, speaking kindly to them, lowering
to them the wing of humility, giving them gifts, and
so on. When you go to visit them with the hope of
earning reward from Allaah, this is a great form of
worship. A son should not neglect this type of
worship, and he should appreciate the joy that his
parents feel when they see their son and spend time
with him. He should not let his work keep him away
from seeing his parents, because it is very important
and precious for them to see their son. If a person is
aware of some negative things when he visits them, he
can reduce these negative aspects, or cut the visit
short and make up for it in other ways, such as
sending letters, making telephone calls or others ways
of keeping in touch and maintaining ties, like giving
gifts, and so on.
We ask Allaah to help us to honour our parents. May
Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.