Advice To One Who Does Not Want To Get Married
Islamic Rulings -
Living Shariah Verdicts
Islamic Questions & Answers
I am a
young man and I do not want to get married. What
should I do?
Praise be to Allaah.
note that people are not all the same when it comes to
marriage. The basic principle that marriage, which was
the way of the Prophet (Peace And Blessings Of Allaah
Be Upon Him), is prescribed, applies to all people,
but it may be more important in the case of some
people than others.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
With regard to marriage, people are of three types:
1 – Some fear that they may fall into haraam things if
they do not get married. Such a person has to get
married, according to the majority of fuqaha', because
he has to keep himself chaste and protect himself
against doing haraam things, and the way to do that is
2 – For some it is mustahabb. This is the one who
feels desire but there is no danger of his falling
into haraam. It is better for him to get married than
to devote himself to naafil acts of worship. This is
the view of ashaab al-ra'y and it is the view of the
Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them and their
Ibn Mas'ood said: If I only had ten days to live and I
knew that I would die at the end of them, and I had
any desire to get married, I would get married, for
fear of fitnah (temptation).
It was narrated that Sa'eed ibn Jubayr said: Ibn 'Abbaas
said to me: "Have you gotten married?"
I said: "No."
He said: "Get married, for the best of this ummah are
the ones with the most wives." Narrated by al-Bukhaari
Ibraaheem ibn Maysarah said: Tawoos said to me:
"Either get married, or I will say to you what 'Umar
said to Abu'l-Zawaa'id: Nothing is keeping you from
getting married except impotence or immorality."
3 – Those who have no desire, either because they were
not created with any desire, such as one who is
impotent, or they had desire but it has disappeared
due to old age, sickness and so on. There are two
(i) It is mustahabb to get married because of the
general meaning of what we have discussed.
(ii) Remaining single is better for him because he
cannot achieve the purpose of marriage, and he would
be preventing his wife from becoming chaste by
marrying someone else. And he would be harming her by
keeping her for himself, and he is exposing himself to
obligations and duties that perhaps he cannot fulfil,
and he is distracting himself from seeking knowledge
and worship with something that is of no benefit to
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The
apparent meaning of the words of Ahmad is that there
is no difference between the one who can afford it and
the one who cannot. He said: a man should get married
and if he can afford to spend he should spend, and if
he cannot then he should be patient.
This applies to one who is able to get married. As for
the one who cannot, Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning): "And let those who find not the financial
means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until
Allaah enriches them of His Bounty" [al-Noor 24:33].
End quote from al-Mughni (9/341-344).
As this point we would like to ask you about the
reason for this aversion to marriage.
If you think that not getting married is an act of
worship by means of which you can draw closer to the
Lord of the Worlds, and you think that if you avoid
marriage this will raise you in status before Allaah,
you are mistaken and there is the fear that you may be
It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be
pleased with him) said: Three people came to the
houses of the wives of the Prophet (Peace And
Blessings Of Allaah Be Upon Him) asking about the
worship of the Prophet (Peace And Blessings Of Allaah
Be Upon Him). When they were told, it was as if they
regarded it as too little. They said: Who are we in
comparison to the Prophet (Peace And Blessings Of
Allaah Be Upon Him)? Allaah has forgiven his past and
future sins. One of them said: As for me, I will pray
all night forever. Another said: I shall fast all my
life and never break my fast. Another said: I shall
keep away from women and never get married. The
Messenger of Allaah (Peace And Blessings Of Allaah Be
Upon Him) came and said: "Are you the ones who said
such and such? By Allaah, I am the one who fears
Allaah the most among you and I am the most pious, but
I fast and I break my fast, I pray and I sleep, and I
marry women. Whoever turns away from my Sunnah is not
of me." Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5063) and Muslim
See also the answer to question no. 34652.
If you do not want to get married because you have no
sexual desire, or you think that you are not able to
fulfil the duties of marriage, and you are afraid of
falling short in meeting a wife's needs, I say to you:
In that case there is no sin on you if you do not get
married, but do not rely on your thoughts and notions.
Rather you should consult a specialist doctor and ask
him for advice, for he is most able to diagnose your
condition, and he may have some advice for treatment
that has never crossed your mind. So do not hesitate
to visit him and do not let shyness stop you, for
matters of medical treatment are not the place for
If you say that you are afraid of being poor, and you
do not have enough wealth to look after a family, I
say to you: Try your best to earn a living and be
content and think positively of Allaah, for He has
promised on the lips of His Prophet (Peace And
Blessings Of Allaah Be Upon Him) that He will help the
one who wants to be chaste and seeks that which is
halaal by getting married.
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be
pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (Peace
And Blessings Of Allaah Be Upon Him) said: "There are
three whom Allaah is bound to help: the mujaahid who
strives (in jihad) for the sake of Allaah, the
mukaatib (a slave who has made a contract of
manumission with his master) who wants to pay off his
manumission, and a man who gets married, seeking to
remain chaste." Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1655),
classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
If you have something that you want to achieve – such
as a certificate, a position, a project and so on –
and you say that you want to achieve that first, then
you will get married, we say to you: Why are you
ignoring marriage for that reason?
Marriage has never been a barrier to achieving things,
rather in most cases it is a support and a help. That
is just the whisperings of the shaytaan, which he has
instilled in the minds of many young men so that it
has become prevalent in our culture and society, and
you hear many of those who have delayed their own
marriages or the marriages of their sons and daughters
saying such things, and our society has become
burdened with problems resulting from large numbers of
single men and women, and the delay of marriage, but
despite that we have not seen any achievement,
development or progress, whereas the first generation
of Muslims used to hasten to do good and they did not
delay marriage, and their achievements were the
greatest and most complete of achievements.
Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in
Majmoo' al-Fataawa (20/421):
What is required is to hasten to get married, and no
young man or young woman should delay marriage for the
sake of studies, because marriage does not prevent any
such thing. It is possible for a young man to get
married in order to protect his religious commitment
and morals, and enable him to lower his gaze. Marriage
serves many purposes, especially in this day and age.
Because delaying it is harmful for both young women
and young men, every young man and every young woman
should hasten to get married if there is a man who is
compatible with the woman, and if a man can find the
right woman. End quote.
And over and above all that, how about if you realize
that marriage will protect half of your religion?
It was narrated from Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be
pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (Peace
And Blessings Of Allaah Be Upon Him) said: "Whomever
Allaah has blessed with a righteous wife, He has
helped him with half of his religion, so let him fear
Allaah with regard to the other half. Narrated by al-Haakim
in al-Mustadrak (2/175), al-Tabaraani in al-Awsat
(1/294) and al-Bayhaqi in Shu'ab al-Eemaan (4/382).
Al-Haakim said: This is a hadeeth with a saheeh isnaad,
although they (al-Bukhaari and Muslim) did not narrate
it. Al-Dhahabi said in al-Talkhees: it is saheeh. It
was classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb
How about if you realise that by getting married, you
will have followed the advice of the Messenger of
Allaah (Peace And Blessings Of Allaah Be Upon Him)
when he said: "O young men, whoever among you can
afford it, let him get married, for it is more
effective in lowering the gaze and guarding one's
chastity." Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5065)and Muslim
How about if you realize that by producing a righteous
child you will have ongoing charity (sadaqah jaariyah),
if you raise him with good morals and faith, and you
will be rewarded for your marriage if you seek reward
with Allaah for that. See the answer to question no.
By getting married, you will be protecting yourself,
lowering your gaze, and closing the door to one of the
greatest means by which the shaytaan deceives people.
You may not feel the seriousness of that now, but
fitnah may come from places a person does not realize,
so you should be keen to close the door before it is
opened without you realizing it.
The Prophet (Peace And Blessings Of Allaah Be Upon
Him) said: "I have not left behind me any fitnah more
harmful to men than women." Narrated by al-Bukhaari
(5096) and Muslim (2741).
Marriage is a source of tranquillity and peace, and it
is the best of the pleasures of this world. In it is
that which Allaah has made a sign for His slaves, and
He has mentioned it in His Book so that they may think
and ponder the greatness of His might, may He be
glorified and exalted. Allaah says (interpretation of
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you
wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose
in them, and He has put between you affection and
mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people
Can there be any hesitation after this?
Be resolved and put your trust in Allaah, and Allaah
will help you, and will provide you with a righteous
wife who will help you to obey your Lord and He will
bless you with righteous offspring who will be a
stored treasure for you with Allaah in the Hereafter.
See also the answer to question no. 6254.
And Allaah knows best.