He Did The Marriage Contract With Her But She Does Not Have Any Accommodation And He Wants To Be Intimate With Her
Islamic Rulings -
Living Shariah Verdicts
Islamic Questions & Answers
engaged to a young man two years ago, and one year
after the engagement the marriage contract was done,
but we were still waiting until the marital home is
ready. My problem with him is that he wants us to have
marital relations in full but without consummating the
marriage. If I refuse he threatens to cheat on me if I
do not respond to him.
He has doubts about me to such an extent that he does
not let me go out or speak to my friends, and he made
me give up work on the grounds that this will protect
me from falling into haraam. Please note that I have
never thought of what he is thinking of. Similarly he
does not respect my family and he always insults them
and slanders them, and he accuses them of not having
raised me properly. But at the same time he wants me
to go to his mother and make her happy, and if she
mistreats me I have to apologize to her until she is
Please note that until now he has not made any
preparations in the house and he always makes excuses
based on his not being well off. When I was working, I
spent nearly half of my salary on him and he made me
buy gifts for his family. Does he have any right to do
this? Is there any sin on me if I do not do what he is
telling me to do?
Praise be to Allaah.
If the marriage contract has been done, then you have
become his wife and it is permissible for a husband to
be intimate with his wife however he wants. But she
can refuse to let him have his way with her until he
gives her the mahr and prepares a suitable marital
home for her.
Ibn al-Mundhir (may Allaah have mercy on him) narrated
that the scholars were unanimously agreed that a woman
has the right to refuse to let her husband consummate
the marriage with her until he gives her the mahr.
Al-Kasaani said in Badaa'i' al-Sanaa'i' (4/19) that a
woman has the right to refuse to let her husband have
his way with her until he provides her with a home.
This is the shar'i ruling on this matter.
What we are afraid of is that this man is not serious
about providing a home and striving to settle in it
and build a family, and that he is content to get his
pleasure from meeting you. Hence we advise you not to
answer his demand and not to let him be intimate with
you, until he provides you with a home. This will
encourage him to pay attention and hasten to
consummate the marriage, and protect you. For
intercourse may take place as the result of pressure
on his part and weakness on yours, then pregnancy may
occur, and that may lead to bad consequences in the
event of divorce or delay of consummation of the
marriage and announcement thereof to the people.
If your work is permissible and free of any haraam
things, then we do not advise you to give it up, and
the husband has no right to prevent you from working
so long as he did the marriage contract with you at
the time when you were doing this job and he did not
stipulate that you should leave it. At the very least
you should keep your job even if you take a temporary
leave of absence until you find out what your husband
is really like.
Attention must be paid to the religious commitment and
character of a husband, and one should find out
whether he prays regularly and keeps away from haraam
things. From your question it seems to us that this is
not a man who is good in these ways, hence it is easy
for him to insult your parents and to threaten to
cheat on you. We do not know how such things could be
said by a wise man who understands how things are. Is
this a proper way of putting pressure on his wife –
threatening to commit zina as a punishment to her?
This is indicative of a severe lack of religious
commitment and intelligence. If we had been consulted
about the matter before the marriage contract was
done, we would have advised you not to marry him. But
as the contract has been done, we say: If he is
careless about prayer, then you should advise him time
after time. If he does not improve, then separate from
him, for there is nothing good for you in marriage to
a man who is careless about prayer.
If it becomes clear to you that he is messing about
and is not serious about preparing a home etc, and
that he may mistreat you and your family – even if he
does pray regularly – then we advise you to leave him,
even if you free yourself from the marriage by giving
up some of your rights (i.e., khula').
You say that your family and everyone around you
thinks that he is not suitable for you. The family's
opinion in such matters is usually closest to the
truth, because they look at the matter with a measure
of wisdom, far removed from emotion which may
sometimes blind one to the truth. They also have
knowledge and experience of such matters. Hence we
think that you should discuss the matter with your
family, and do what they advise you, as well as
praying to Allaah for guidance (istikhaarah), for He
does not betray the one who seeks guidance and the one
who asks for advice will not regret it.
We ask Allaah to make things easy for you and to take
away your distress and to guide you to good things.
And Allaah knows best.