|
Islamic Rulings -
Living Shariah Verdicts I am a 31 years old girl. I do not work and I
am of a weak financial status. About one month ago, I
knew a man “innocently” through the internet. He
offered to marry me as he does not see the point of a
man knowing a woman without marriage. I talked to my
mother and she refused saying that he is of a higher
social status than ours, which may make him and his
family look down at us. I have discussed the matter of
marriage with her many times but she says: “why do you
want to marry? You are staying honorably in your
family’s home!” so I told that man that we cannot
marry, and the matter was finished. Praise be to Allaah
Firstly:
Marriage without a wali is not valid, because the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: “There is no marriage except with a wali
(guardian).” Narrated by Abu Dawood (2085), al-Tirmidhi
(1101) and Ibn Majaah (1881) from Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari;
classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: “Any woman who gets married without the
permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid,
her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.”
Narrated by Ahmad (24417), Abu Dawood 92083) and al-Tirmidhi
(1102); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’
(2709).
Secondly:
If the guardian refuses to marry his daughter (or
female relative under his care) to a compatible man
with whom she is pleased, then he is regarded as
preventing her from marriage, and guardianship passes
to the next closest male relative, then to the qaadi
(judge).
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
What is meant by preventing marriage is not allowing a
woman to marry one who is compatible with her, if she
agrees to that and if each one wants to marry the
other. Al-Ma’qil ibn Yasaar said: A sister of mine
married a man, then he divorced her. When her ‘iddah
was over he came and proposed marriage to her (again),
and I said to him: “She married you, was intimate with
you and honoured you, then you divorced her, and now
you come to propose marriage again! No, by Allaah, she
will never go back to you.” He was a man with whom
there was nothing wrong, and she wanted to go back to
him. Then Allaah revealed these words (interpretation
of the meaning):
“do not prevent them from marrying”
[al-Baqarah 2:232]
I said: Now I will do it, O Messenger of Allaah. He
said: So he married her to him. Narrated by al-Bukhaari.
This applies whether she asks to be married with a
mahr (dowry) like that of her peers or less. This was
stated by al-Shaafa’i, Abu Yoosuf and Muhammad.
So if she wants to marry a specific person who is
compatible, and he wants to marry her to someone else
who is also compatible, and refuses to marry her to
the one she wants, then he is preventing her
marriage.
But if she asks to marry someone who is not
compatible, then he has the right to prevent her from
doing that, and he is not (willfully) preventing her
in that case.
Al-Mugni (9/383).
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him)
said:
If the guardian refuses to arrange the marriage of a
woman to a suitor who is compatible in terms of his
religious commitment and good character, then
guardianship passes to the next closest male relative
on the father’s side, then the next closest. If they
refuse to arrange her marriage, as usually happens,
then guardianship passes to the shar’i judge, and the
shar’i judge should arrange the woman’s marriage. If
such a case comes to him and he knows that the woman’s
guardians refused to arrange her marriage, then he is
obliged to arrange her marriage, because he has
general guardianship so long as family guardianship
was not achieved.
The fuqaha’ (may Allaah have mercy on them) mentioned
that if the guardian repeatedly refuses compatible
suitors, then he becomes a faasiq (evildoer) as a
result; he is no longer regarded as being of good
character and his guardianship is waived. According to
the well known view of Imam Ahmad, he is no longer
qualified to lead prayers, and it is not valid for him
to lead a group of Muslims in prayer. This is a
serious matter.
As we have referred to above, some people reject the
suitors who come to propose marriage to the women over
whom Allaah has given them guardianship, even though
they are compatible, but the girl may be too shy to go
to the qaadi (judge) to ask him to arrange her
marriage. This is something that really happens. But
the woman should weigh up the pros and cons, and see
which is worse: staying without a husband and letting
this guardian who fools about and is careless control
her life, then when she grows old and has no desire
for marriage, he marries her off, or approaching the
qaadi with a request to arrange her marriage, which is
her shar’i right.
Undoubtedly the second alternative is preferable,
which is going to the qaadi and asking him to arrange
her marriage, because she is entitled to that, and
because going to the qaadi and having the qaadi
arrange her marriage is in the interests of other
women as well, because other women will come as she
has come, and because her coming to the qaadi is a
rebuke to those wrongdoers who do wrong to the women
whom Allaah has placed under their guardianship by
refusing to marry them to compatible suitors. So this
serves three interests:
- The woman’s own interests, so that she will
not be left without a husband
- The interests of others, as it will open the
door for other women who are waiting for someone to
set a precedent for them to follow
- Preventing these unjust guardians who are
controlling the lives of their daughters and other
women whom Allaah has placed under their guardianship,
on the basis of their whims and wishes.
It also serves the purpose of establishing the command
of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) who said: “If there comes to you one with
whose religious commitment and character you are
pleased, then marry (your female relative under your
care) to him, for if you do not do that there will be
tribulation in the land and a great deal of
corruption.”
And it also serves a specific interest, which is
making it easy for those men who propose marriage to
women, whose are compatible in terms of religious
commitment and character.
End quote from Fataawa Islamiyyah (3/148).
Secondly:
You should seek the help of people who can advise your
father and mother, and urge them to arrange your
marriage, and warn them against the sin of preventing
you from marrying and of mistreating you.
The one who wants to propose marriage to you should
approach your wali, and if he refuses for no apparent
reason, then refer your case to the qaadi so that he
may take charge of arranging your marriage. You do not
have the right to arrange your own marriage,
especially the ‘urfi marriage in which there is no
protection for your rights; how easy it is for the
husband to forsake his wife in such cases and to deny
her and not acknowledge any rights for her. There are
many well known stories of such cases, which should be
taken as a lesson.
Thirdly:
You should beware of forming any relationship with men
via the internet or otherwise. You should note that
that which is with Allaah cannot be attained except by
obeying Him, and that disobedience or sin is the cause
of being deprived of provision and goodness.
See the answers to questions no. 34841, 26890 and
23349.
We ask Allaah to guide your parents and to make things
easy for you, and to bless you with a righteous
husband and righteous offspring.
And Allaah knows best. |
Add Comments