A Memoir Of A Puritan (An Account Of A Former Skinhead's Hijrah)

06 Feb 2012

By Al-Ikhwah Al-Mujahidun

"The youths must be controlled and we must make them as slaves of the conspiracy by means of widely propagating the moral decadences and misguided thinkings." (Protocols of Zion number 24)


Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi wabarakatuh….

My Brothers….. every man has his own life story. The bitter sweet portions of life make us learn and improve our selves in this life. This is a piece of the story of a young man. A piece of the story of a son of Adam who had once been easily tricked by Iblis La'natullah. A piece of the story of a young man who had become a victim of the conspiracy of the Zionist agenda. A piece of the story of someone who had once become the wooden puppet of Dajjal and his agents. A piece of the story of a youth who had been astray but later rediscovered his fitrah as a Muslim. This is a piece of my story….

I was born into an average family. Having a mother who is average too. Having a father and brothers and sisters who are also average. I also lived in an average environment and went to school that was also very average. My adolescence was also considered as average. Basically, all things in my life was just average and ordinary. I was just a young boy growing up normally in a warm family, raised by a mother who loves me more than her own self and a father who educates me with great example so that I can become a good person.

But there were things that may not be ordinary in my life when compared with other kids of my age at that time. I was interested in something which later I commonly referred to as the "youth culture". Of so many youth cultures I chose to be a skinhead. The reason I chose skinhead was very simple… the skinheads are fearless…. That's all. I remember when I got that first source about this skinhead, namely a book entitled "Spirit of 69, A Skinhead Bible", a book about the history of the development of the skinhead culture from the era of the mid-60's to the mid-90's written by George Marshall. I read the whole book completely, I studied and reread it repeatedly because it was something extremely important for me. I had already understood from the beginning that this was my way of life and I didn't want to be unserious with it.

My introduction to the skinheads, which started from the music and book, had led me to get to know like-minded people, a community of the youth culture. So I started to practice the activities of hanging out in the streets. Little by little but certain, I devoured wholly all things related to the youth culture and all of its variants. We talked about and we discussed, in fact we even debated many times, starting from our favorite bands to our heroes of the youth culture. Slowly but surely too, the youth culture (skinhead) became some kind of a life philosophy for me and for my close friend named Jamal. Alhamdulillah, we are now together again in the brotherhood as fellow Muslims. For us then, skinhead was everything. Skinhead was the only solution in facing this life. A way out for us from all of our disgusts with life which was only so-so. A perfect rebellion coming straight from the streets where we were raised and grew up.

Skinhead was a door for me to start learning about the "ism's"which underlie and are associated with it. And as skinhead is basically the culture of the working-labour-proletarian class, then Socialism Communism was the only ideology that really attracted my attention at that time. I devoured completely all sorts of information about it and I was never satisfied in studying it. Jamal was a partner in discussions, debates, sometimes even became the "enemy" of my viewpoints about skinhead and marxism at that time. The street was a discussion forum for us. The street was a wide expanse of field, a place to practice everything that we understood about skinhead. The street was where we got to know life and the real living. But it was also the street that introduced us to the negative things such as booze and sometimes brawls. But for us then, that's the ideal life of a rebel. We were rebels and we were not afraid to fight this world with our hands….!!!!

Slowly but surely, I started to consider skinhead as my religion. Slowly, this brain started to darken by the kufr ideas of Marx, Nietsche and Darwin. In fact, in the subsequent developments, I often proudly said: "Skinhead was already more than a religion for me…..". If we think back, that's how I was back then…. I preferred to put on the 10 hole boots for 20 minutes rather than performing ablution and prayer which only takes 10 minutes for example. I was getting further away leaving Islam and its teachings. I even started to feel disgusted with the activities of Ibaadah such as solat, I was starting to feel foolish if I were to be a religious person while I was a progressive revolutioner. Lenin said RELIGION (ALLAH) IS THE OPIUM OF THE PEOPLE and I swallowed it as dogma. Soon while at the peak of my kufr state, I doubted, even denied the existence of Allah which was very "immaterial" and "unintellectual" for me. The deification of a thing named Allah or any name of God was a concept that was disgusting to me. God, whatever the name was a made-up thing in the brain of the people whose work was only to hallucinate in this life. God was only for the weak people to me, while I was a skinhead warrior, a materialist dialectic, a progressive revolutioner and a radical Leftist, it is certainly not suitable for a knowledgeable person to have a God. THERE WAS NO GOD FOR ME at that time….!!!!

With each passing day, I was increasingly off-track from my fitrah. My life was as if it had no control, everything was legitimate enough for me. My moral values were different from others. I did not hesitate to make intrigues and conspire in achieving the goals of my life. As long as it was good and beneficial for the sake of achieving and realizing my idealism, then it was legitimate enough. Destroy anyone who didn't agree with you….Be a strong person because only the strong ones can survive in this world and never have mercy on your enemies. If a person or a group of people were hostile towards you, then be hostile and hate them a thousand times more intense than their hatred and hostility towards you…!!! This was the moral value that I held firm at that time. It was also what I applied in the community when there arose disagreements on Idealism issues about skinheads who are pro-mainstream media and those who are anti- mainstream media. I certainly stood in the forefront of the skinhead resistance against mainstream media. Yes, skinhead was only for the skinheads to me. The mainstream media are essentially the tentacles of the global capitalism and the natural and eternal enemies of the Leftist – Marxist – Leninist like myself. The mainstream media are just a milker device that would make us street clowns, the viewing materials of the public on TV. Skinhead was a culture of the rebels, so behave yourselves like a rebel. Skinhead is a culture of resistance, a counter-culture and not a "conciliatory" culture that is side by side with the pop and mainstream culture.

This difference became a prolonged conflict in the community. My assertiveness and puritan attitude made the people resent me, starting with the verbal and then to the physical ways. And I was not afraid when pressured like this, but I instead became increasingly bold. I made use of my rather prime capacity in speaking to propagandize, agitate and even impose my ideas onto others. And all of a sudden I became the focus of attention in the community. To some people I was a frightening figure who should be avoided because I always tried to brainwash them, while to some others I was considered as a tutor and whose "words" are anticipated. It was here where satan danced freely in my heart. I started to become a person who was extremely over the limit, arrogant and even considered myself as God for myself (luckily not for others….). I truly believed and I was truly proud of my knowledge and ability and I threw far away the whisper of my heart that those were simply a trust and trial of Allah on me. It was at this time that Allah sent His admonition upon me in the form of a woman whom I loved….. but instead of coming to my senses I then even challenged Him to bring on a more violent trial or even adzab if HE truly exists. From that day onward, for me there started a fight between myself and Allah (na'udzubillahi min dzaliq….. see how jahil, stupid and astray I had been made at that time…. ).

Then, I again met with Jamal after we had parted ways for over five years. The Jamal whom I saw now had already been 180 degrees different from the Jamal whom I knew before. Jamal was now wearing khameez and sporting a beard and in his every sentence he never forgot to utter the asma of Allah, yes…. The light of Allah's hidayah has touched him. I know how sad Jamal was when he saw that I had been so far away from Allah and maybe had already become a Kuffar at that time. I remember, he always listened to all my complaints and problems, nothing changed between me and him at that time even though our worldviews were like the earth and the heaven. There is something that I remember the most today… one day Jamal sent me and SMS saying: "Assalamualaikum my brother…. I have come to offer something more precious than gold to you which if you take it you shall be saved in this dunya and the akhirah… embrace and return to the Iman of Islam…. Don't you remember… there is a da'ie blood flowing swiftly in your blood….". By Allah, my heart was like being blown at that moment, the face of my grandfather in his turban and white garment, crying looking at me, loomed in my head…., but the ego and the influence of satan were more dominant at that time and I considered that SMS like a passing wind.

My "fight" with Allah continued…. I was increasingly dissolved in my kufr. No matter how Jamal tried to remind me and how Allah had repeatedly admonished me, I remained arrogant. I was like an Abu Jahal who was bestowed with vast knowledge by Allah but arrogantly refused to prostrate to Him. It was at this time that Jamal reminded me again about how actually I was a victim of a dark conspiracy in the realm of the youth culture (actually we both often discussed about the issue of the NWO and its conspiracy since 2003). I again and again was actually aware that I was the victim and wooden puppet of Dajjal, the accursed one-eyed who, as he likes, pitted me against my own Muslim brothers so much so that I lightly broke the ties of brotherhood with a number of my good friends. But my arrogance which had reached the acute level had blinded and deafened me. This nape was getting increasingly stiffer for me to prostrate to Him, this tongue was getting increasingly frozen for me to utter and acknowledge His greatness. But Allah never stops calling my name…. Sending signs to me. One of them was, I don't know why, I always could not contain my tears when listening to people reciting the Qur'an, whereas I did not even understand a single word from those verses, a very strange thing indeed. This heart that was hard as stone and had darkened because of sins, was as if ripped to shreds by the chanting of the very holy verses of Allah. However…. that did not even once remove the stiffness of my nape to prostrate to Him.

Then…… that time came, Allah admonished me very hardly. He whipped me because I belonged to the category of dissident slaves. He sent something to me just as how he fittingly sent a mosquito to Namrudz in order to tear down his arrogance. And that mosquito (again) was in a form of a woman who was young, naive and Christian too. It was through her that Allah stripped and tore down my arrogance and dumped me into the abyss of humiliation in the eyes of the people who used to respect me and admire my smartness, as well as my puritan character (sorry… about how this woman became the cause of my humiliation could not be told here as I am too disgusted to write it down…). The opposer lost badly to the God Whose existence he denied. The arrogant rebel had been humiliated and all the things that made him proud were taken away. No more skinhead pride for me that day… no more Kamerad beside me that day…. I was down and out of line. On whom should I rely again??? Could Marx, Lenin, Nietsche, Jimmy Pursey, Darwin, Jhon Joseph, Roi Pearce, Tan Malaka and all the rebel heroes whom I praised, help me at that time???? NO….!!! And if they do not have the power to help me in this world alone, then how could they help when the Angel Munkar and Nakir question me with "Man rabbuka….." in the grave… and not to mention when I would be humiliated and helpless for being classified as kafir in the yaumul hisab…. Where would they be???? They cannot go anywhere because they would also rot in hell with me…!! And by Allah there is nothing that I fear more than this….

Become insane or suicide … those were my only choices back then. And Alhamdulillah… Allah brought me to prostrate to Him. Allah watered and washed my heart and blood which had darkened by the sins, with His hidayah. I then submitted myself to Allah, I surrendered myself wholly to Him. I repented and asked for His forgiveness. I know my repentance and hijrah will not end until Izrail approached me at some point later, I can only seek to be close to Him while unceasingly regretted all my sins to HIM. I believe Allah is the most forgiving and the most compassionate as long as I also repent earnestly to Him. Though still falling and rising in practices but I insha Allah would never despair, and I would endeavor to be istiqamah.

But if you consider that it was the skinhead community that had destroyed me, actually that is not accurate. It was me who destroyed and oppressed my own self with my excessive acts. But it cannot be denied as well that skinhead was one of the asbab (causes) of my kufr. But what need to be known here is, the community did not always bring bad influence in this episode of my life. Instead it was in the Punk – Skinhead community that I learned about some sublime values such as militancy and the spirit of self-reliance, which in truth had already been taught by our noble Rasulullah. In brief, the community was the place where I was honed and educated to now struggle in Allah's cause (insha Allah….). There are many sweet and positive memories from the old community that I could write here just as there are more negative things that I got from there.

That's a piece of my story which I hope can become an ibrah (lesson) for all my friends. Just look at how a dark Zionist conspiracy had misguided me. Just look at how satan easily deviated me from my fitrah as a Muslim, only with a false pride and fake worldview called Skinhead. Look at how the freely circulating kufr "ism's" could easily wash my brain, to the point that I had gone beyond the limits. Look at how Dajjal had heinously managed to take control of my life, maybe his control over me has not actually completely gone even at this time. I am lucky because Allah rescued me with His hidayah before Izrail came to get me. But how about the hundreds or even thousands of other youngsters who at this time are still in the grip of their conspiracy, in which the saying I had mentioned at the beginning of this article??? This question lingers in my head since I made hijrah…. Only to Allah we ask for guidance so that we are spared from the conspiracies and fitnah of Dajjal in these end times… Wallahualam bissawab…

Johan Yusuf
Ex-member of SAM (Skinhead Anti Media), ex-Vocalist of Fishka Band

Source: muslimdaily.net


©  EsinIslam.Com

Add Comments

Comments & Debates :-: التعليقات والمحاورات

:-: Go Home :-: Go Top :-: