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Islamic Rulings -
Living Shariah Verdicts My husband of eight years is a non practising
muslim. He lost his job in Nov. 2002 during Ramadan
and has been out of work since. He has not once prayed
to Allah to ask for help with a job. Instead, he wakes
up at 3, 4, 5 in the afternoon. He has even woken up
at 8 or 9 o'clock in the evening. he then plays on the
computer ALL night and goes to bed at 6 or 7 in the
morning, when I am getting up for fajr namaz. We have
3 children whom he hardly sees because they are
usually going to bed as he is getting up. If i try to
wake him in the mornings to take the children to
school, or on a Friday for Jumaah namaz, he will shout
or swear or hit me. I have to look after the children
myself, go and do all the shopping even for meat. I
don't like to go to the meat shop because only men are
there.but if I don't go he thratens to kick me out of
the home. I am also at college so it is very hard for
me to do everything myself. I always pray to Allah for
his guidance and help but I am only human and the
situation is getting more difficult. I cannot cope
with things as they are. I am not exagerrating when I
tell you he is on the computer every night and not
looking for a job. Since November he has been shopping
only 2 times, taken the children to school maybe 10
times. He does'nt leave the house to visit family, and
nobody comes to visit anymore. Our money is getting
less and he tells me to leave the house if I don't
like things. I cannot bear to look or speak to him,
but still I pray to Allah that our situation is
improved, and that Allah may choose to open my
husbands eyes and heart. His parents have spoken to
him, but he doesn't listen, and now his mother is
always blaming me. I didn't loose him his job, neither
do I complain about him not finding another one. I am
not a wife who asks for alot of money to buy gold and
jewellery and fancy clothes, but I do want good things
for my children and food at home, this is why I go to
college so insh'allah i can find a suitable job. But
my husband won't stop this addiction of the computer,
he doesn't stop shouting at the children every day if
they become noisy while they are playing and he is
sleeping during the day. What can I do?. Praise be to Allaah.
We ask Allaah to help you and give you strength, and
to guide your husband aright.
Undoubtedly by taking care of your children and being
keen to guide your husband, you are doing good and
will be rewarded in sha Allaah, for Allaah does not
cause the reward of those who do good to be lost.
Our advice to you is to keep on being patient and
making du'aa' for your husband, and striving to guide
him, through his parents, his brothers and those who
have any influence on him. If a man neglects his duty
towards his family he exposes himself to the wrath and
anger of Allaah, because he is neglecting that which
Allaah has entrusted to his care. The Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Each of
you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for
his flock. The ruler is the shepherd of his people and
is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of
his family and is responsible for his flock…." This
hadeeth was narrated by al-Bukhaari, 893; Muslim,
1826, from Ibn ‘Umar. And the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said of his
household: "Allaah will ask every shepherd about that
which was entrusted to his care, whether he took care
of it or neglected it, and He will even ask a man
about his family." Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan, classed as
saheeh by al-Albaani in Ghaayat al-Maraam, no. 271
And he said: "It is sufficient sin for a man to
neglect those who are under his care." Narrated by
Ahmad and Abu Dawood from the hadeeth of ‘Abd-Allaah
ibn ‘Amr; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami',
no. 827. And he said:
"There is no man whom Allaah causes to be appointed to
a position of responsibility and he does not discharge
his duties sincerely, but he will not even smell the
fragrance of Paradise." Narrated by al-Bukhaari,
6731.
We do not think that your husband would like to have
this warning directed at him, or that he would want
his wife to spend on him and take care of him. This is
something that men instinctively dislike.
You said that he sleeps and misses the prayers because
he stays up at night and wastes his time. This means
that he is in grave danger from another angle. Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Then, there has succeeded them a posterity who have
given up As‑Salah (the prayers) [i.e. made their Salah
(prayers) to be lost, either by not offering them or
by not offering them perfectly or by not offering them
in their proper fixed times] and have followed lusts.
So they will be thrown in Hell"
[Maryam 19:59] Ibn Mas'ood said
that al-Ghayy (translated here as "Hell") is a valley
in Hell that is very deep and has an awful taste.
And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
". So woe unto those performers of Salaah (prayers),
5. Those who delay their Salaah (prayer from their
stated fixed times)"
[al-Maa'oon 107:4-5]
This refers to those who delay their prayers from the
proper times. But if he does not pray at all, then
this is kufr which puts him beyond the pale of Islam,
because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: "Between a man and shirk and kufr
there stands his giving up prayer." Narrated by
Muslim, 82.
And he said: "The covenant that stands between us and
them is prayer. Whoever gives it up is a kaafir."
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2621; al-Nasaa'i, 463; Ibn
Maajah, 1079; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani.
In that case you have to advise him, and if he
persists in not praying, then you have to prevent him
from being intimate with you until he repents and
starts to pray.
We ask Allaah to set the affairs of all the Muslims
traight.
And Allaah knows best. |
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