Acquiring Good Characteristics: The
Etiquettes Of Being A Good Muslim - Attitudes, Manners
And Behaviors In Islam
Islamic Rulings - Living Shariah Verdicts
Islamic Questions & Answers
How can I acquire good
characteristics?.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
A good attitude is
the characteristic of the best of the Messengers and
is the best action of the righteous. It is – no doubt
– half of religion, the fruit of the efforts of the
pious and the practice of the devoted worshipper. Bad
characteristics are lethal poison and lead to shameful
consequences.
The Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "I have
only been sent to perfect good characteristics."
Narrated by al-Bukhaari in al-Adab al-Mufrad (273) and
classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah
(45).
It was narrated that
Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) was asked about that which will admit
most people to Paradise. He said: "Fear of Allaah and
a good attitude."
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi
(2004); he said it is saheeh ghareeb. It was classed
as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
Hence Islam paid a
great deal of attention to laying down guidelines for
treating diseases of the heart (i.e., spiritual
diseases) and ways of acquiring good characteristics,
which is regarded as one of the most important duties,
because no heart will be free of sicknesses. If the
heart is neglected, sicknesses will accumulate. No
soul is free of inclinatons which, if they are given
free rein, will lead it to doom in this world and in
the Hereafter.
This kind of
medicine requires profound knowledge of reasons and
causes, then it needs hard work to remedy it and set
things straight, in order to reach a successful
outcome. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Indeed he succeeds
who purifies his ownself"
[al-Shams 91:9]
The Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to pray for
a good attitude, saying, "O Allaah, You have made my
outward form beautiful so make my attitude good too."
Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan in his Saheeh (3/239) and
classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Irwa' al-Ghaleel
(75).
Secondly:
If a person knows
what his shortcomings are he can do something to
remedy them, but many people are unaware of their
faults and shortcomings. A person may see the speck in
his brother's eye and not see the log in his own. The
person who wants to know what his own faults are may
do four things:
1. He may sit before a Shaykh who has insight into
people's faults and knowledge of the subtlety of some
problems and learn from him knowledge, good attitudes
and manners.
2. He may ask a sincere friend who has insight and
is religiously committed to keep watch over him and
take note of his actions, so that he can draw
attention to whatever he dislikes of his attitude,
actions, and inward and outward faults. This is what
the best and greatest imams of Islam used to do. ‘Umar
(may Allaah be pleased with him) used to say: "May
Allaah have mercy on a man who shows me my
shortcomings."
3. He can learn about his faults and shortcomings
from the lips of his enemies, because the eye of one
who is resentful will always notice bad things about
you. A man may benefit more from an enemy who wants to
cause trouble and mentions his faults than from a
friend who wants to flatter him by praising him and
concealing his faults.
4. He can mix with people. Everything that he sees
as blameworthy among people, he should guard against
in his own self, because the believer is the mirror of
his fellow believer, and in the faults of others he
can see his own faults. It was said to ‘Eesa (peace be
upon him): "Who taught you?" He said: "No one taught
me; I saw the ignorance of the ignorant as something
bad and I avoided it."
Thirdly:
Attitude reflects
how a person thinks and the way he is inside. Just as,
in general, a person's outward form cannot be
beautiful if only the eyes are beautiful and not the
nose, mouth and cheek, and everything must be
beautiful in order for the entire outward form to be
beautiful, so too there are four requirements of
inward beauty which must all be met in order for one's
attitude to be good or beautiful. If all four
requirements are met and balanced then a good attitude
is acquired, the characteristics of which are: strong
knowledge, control of anger, control of desire, and a
proper balance between these three aspects.
With regard to
strong knowledge, good and sound knowledge means
understanding in such a way that one can see the
difference between telling the truth and telling lies
in speech, between truth and falsehood in beliefs,
between beauty and ugliness in actions. If this
strength becomes sound, there will result from it
wisdom, and wisdom is the head of a good attitude.
With regard to
strength of anger, its beauty is that it is used in
accordance with what is dictated by wisdom. The same
applies to desire; its beauty and strength should be
controlled by wisdom, meaning under the control of
reason and sharee'ah.
With regard to
balance, it means proper control of desires and anger,
under the control of wisdom and sharee'ah.
Reason is like a
sincere adviser. Justice and balance is power, and it
is like one who does what is dictated by reason. Anger
is to be subjected to control.
The one who
acquires and balances these characteristics is a man
of good character in general, and from it stem all
good qualities.
No one achieved
perfect balance of these four characteristics except
the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him); people after him vary in how close or
distant they are to him in character. Everyone who is
close to him in these characteristics is close to
Allaah, to the extent that he is close to the
Messenger of Allaah.
Fourthly:
This balance may be
achieved in two ways:
1 – By the blessing
of Allaah, as part of one's inherent nature
2 – By acquiring
these characteristics through effort and training,
i.e., pushing oneself to do the actions dictated by
the desired characteristic.
The Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "Knowledge is acquired by seeking it, and
patience is acquiring by striving to be patient. The
one who strives to attain good will be given it, and
the one who strives to protect himself from evil will
be protected. Narrated by al-Khateeb and others from
the hadeeth of Abu'l-Darda'; classed as hasan by al-Albaani.
If a person wants to
attain the characteristic of generosity, the way to
attain that is by pushing himself to do the actions of
one who is generous, which is giving away wealth. So
he keeps pushing himself and persisting in that,
striving against his own inclinations, until that
becomes second nature and it becomes easy for him,
thus he becomes generous.
Similarly, if a
person wants to attain the characteristic of humility,
when he is inclined to be arrogant, the way he does it
is by persisting in doing the actions of the humble
for a long time, striving and pushing himself until
that becomes one of his characteristics, and it
becomes second nature to him and easy for him.
All praiseworthy
characteristics that are prescribed in Islam may be
acquired in this way. Religious characteristics will
never become entrenched in the soul unless the soul
gets accustomed to doing all good habits, unless it
gives up all bad habits, and unless it persists in
doing good deeds like one who loves good deeds and
enjoys doing them, and hates bad deeds and is pained
by them.
This may be
explained by means of examples:
The one who wants to
become proficient in writing, so that this becomes one
of his characteristics and writing beautifully becomes
second nature to him, has no other way but to hold in
his hand that which the proficient writer holds, and
persist for a long time, trying to imitate beautiful
hand writing, and keep on doing so until it becomes
well established in him, then finally beautiful
writing will become second nature to him.
Similarly, if a
person wants to become a faqeeh, he has no choice but
to do what the fuqaha' do, which is to keep studying
issues of fiqh until his heart develops a love of the
subject.
And if a person
wants to become generous and refrain from asking
people, and become patient and humble, he has to keep
on doing the actions of those people until they become
second nature to him. He should not despair of
attaining those characteristics if he fails to study
for one night, for he will not be able to attain it
with one night's study. Perfecting the soul and
adorning it with good deeds will not be attained by
worshipping for one day, and he will not be deprived
of it if he sins for one day. But slacking off for one
day may lead to another day, then slowly one becomes
accustomed to laziness.
Fifthly:
The likeness of the
soul and the way to treat it to rid it of bad
characteristics and make it attain good
characteristics is that of the body, when treating it
to rid it of disease and bring it good health.
Although the humours
are usually in balance, the stomach may become sick
due to food, drink or circumstances. Similarly,
everyone is born with a balanced nature, but his
parents make him a Jew, Christian or Magian, i.e., by
training and teaching one acquires bad
characteristics.
Just as the body is
not created perfect in the first place, rather it is
made perfect by rearing and food, similarly the soul
is also created imperfect but with the potential to
become perfect, and it can only be perfected by means
of education, discipline and nourishment with
knowledge. If the body is sound, the doctor's role is
to show one the way to maintain good health; if it is
sick, then the doctor's job is to restore health. The
same applies to the soul; if it is pure and sound then
one should strive to preserve it and bring it more
strength and acquire more good characteristics; if it
is imperfect then one should strive to perfect it and
purify it.
Sickness that causes
imbalance in the body can only be treated by its
opposite, so if it is caused by cold it is treated
with heat and vice versa. Similarly, bad
characteristics, which are diseases of the heart, are
treated by applying the opposite. So the remedy for
the disease of ignorance is seeking knowledge, and the
remedy for the disease of miserliness is pushing
oneself to be generous, and the remedy for the disease
of arrogance is pushing oneself to be humble, and the
remedy for the sickness of eating too much is imposing
self restraint.
Just as it is
essential to put up with the bitterness of the remedy
and show patience in refraining from what one desires
when treating physical sickness, so too it is
essential to put up with the bitterness of striving
and being patient when treating diseases of the heart;
rather it is more important, because one gets rid of
physical sickness when one dies, but the sicknesses of
the heart – Allaah forbid – may persist after death
and continue forever and ever.
These examples show
you the way to treat diseases of the heart, and
demonstrate that the holistic way is to treat them
with the opposite of whatever one is inclined towards
and likes. Allah has summed up all of that in His Holy
Book, when He said (interpretation of the meaning):
"But as for him who
feared standing before his Lord, and restrained
himself from impure evil desires and lusts.
41. Verily, Paradise
will be his abode"
[al-Naazi'aat
79:40-41]
Finally:
What matters with
regard to striving is fulfilling what one resolves to
do. If a person resolves to give up a desire, then he
must show patience and persist, because if he gets
used to giving up what he resolved to do, that will
lead to corruption. If it so happens that he falls
short of what he resolved to do, then he must impose
some punishment on himself because of that, because if
he does not scare himself with that punishment, his
evil inclinations will overwhelm him and he will be
attracted to indulging in desires, and all his efforts
will be spoiled.
Summarized and
adapted from Ihya' ‘Uloom al-Deen by al-Ghazaali
(3/62-98).