Is It Permissible For Him To Enable His
Sister To See Her Suitor Outside The Home Without His
Father's Knowledge? Ruling On Speaking To One's
Fiancée
Islamic Rulings -
Living Shariah Verdicts
Islamic Questions & Answers
A young man who has memorised the Qur'aan (Haafiz
al-Qur'aan) and is of good character has proposed to
my sister, and there is tentative acceptance. But my
sister has not seen him except fleetingly and I want
her to see him in the manner prescribed in sharee‘ah
before the engagement goes ahead, to ensure that they
are compatible and feel comfortable about one another,
but my father refuses to allow this seeing as
prescribed in sharee‘ah and he wants the engagement to
go ahead immediately. Is it permissible for my sister
to see this young man as prescribed in sharee‘ah in my
presence, but outside the home and without my father
knowing about it? If it is permissible, what are the
conditions?.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
It is prescribed for the suitor to see his potential
fiancé and to be allowed to do that; it is also
prescribed for her to be allowed to see him, so that
if there is agreement to go ahead with the marriage it
is done on the basis of clarity and insight.
Abu Dawood (2082) narrated that Jaabir ibn ‘Abdillah
said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of
Allah be upon him) said: "When one of you wants to
propose marriage to a woman, if he can see that which
will encourage him to go ahead and marry her, let him
do so." I proposed marriage to a girl and I used to
hide and watch her until I saw that which prompted me
to go ahead and marry her, and I married her.
Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood
He may see that of her that which will prompt him to
go ahead and marry her, such as that which ordinarily
appears such as the face, hands, neck and feet.
It says in ar-Rawd al-Murbi‘ (p. 332):
It is permissible for the one who wants to propose to
a woman and thinks it most likely that she will
accept, to look at what ordinarily appears, such as
the face, necks, hands and feet. End quote.
The Scholars of the Standing Committee said:
It is permissible for the one who wants to marry a
woman to look, when proposing to her, at her face
without any feelings of pleasure or desire, and
without being alone with her, according to scholarly
consensus. That is prescribed because of necessity and
because it is more likely to make their marriage
stable. And that is sufficient because the face is the
focal point of beauty and by means of this the need is
met. And some scholars regarded it as permissible to
look at the hands too, and whatever ordinarily appears
of the woman that may encourage him to go ahead and
marry her. And it is permissible for the suitor to
watch her when she is walking in the street so that he
may see that which may encourage him to go ahead and
marry her.
End quote from Fataawa al-Lajnah ad-Daa'imah, 18/75
See also the answer to question no. 2572
Secondly:
If the matter is as you describe, there is nothing
wrong with you enabling your sister to see this suitor
and enabling him to see her, even if that is outside
the home, on condition that you or a mahram of hers is
present during the meeting. What matters is that he
should not be alone with her and there should be no
cause of fitnah, as the scholars have explained
previously.
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him)
said:
He may look at the face, head, hands and feet, on
condition that he is not alone with her; rather one of
her mahrams should be present. It is also essential
that there be no risk of fitnah. He should look only
as much as is necessary, but if he is not able to see
her the first time, there is nothing wrong with him
looking at her another time, but that is subject to
the condition we have mentioned, which is that he
should not be alone with her, because being alone with
a woman is haraam. Similarly, she should not beautify
or adorn her face when he looks at her, because that
will have the opposite effect. If he looks at her when
she has beautified herself he will think that she is
more beautiful than she really is, then when he enters
upon her (after marriage) and sees her as she really
is, he may be put off and turn away from her.
End quote from Fataawa Su'aal min Haaj (p. 39)
But you have to make sure your father does not find
out about that, so that he will not get angry or
refuse to let her marry him, when the marriage is
agreed upon.
If it is possible to make him agree and convince him
of that, then that is better and is preferable.
We should also point out that if the passing glance
you mentioned was sufficient for your sister and was
also sufficient for the suitor to form an opinion and
lead to an agreement, then this is what is required
and there is no need to look directly.
And Allah knows best.
Ruling On Speaking To One's Fiancée
I would like to know if it is permissible for me
to talk to my fiancee over the telephone ?
If possible, I would like an response to my question
through email... Insha-ALLAH. If not, just answering
this question would be of a "BIG" help to me, since my
parents don't know the answer to this question....
Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible except in a case where both
parties trust one another and where the parents agree
to the marriage and have no objections. In this case
it is acceptable for them to speak to one another in a
normal manner, discussing matters of life that concern
them. But if they know that their parents do not agree
to that, then it is not permissible for them to speak
to one another in this case.
Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen.
The fiancée is still a non-mahram woman and speaking
to her is still speaking to a non-mahram woman, so it
must be done properly and only as much as is
necessary, such as agreeing on specific matters to do
with after they get married. Attention must also be
paid to the following:
1 – It must be done with the agreement of the woman's
guardian and with no objection on his part to the
marriage.
2 – The talk should not involve anything that may
provoke desire or cause temptation.
3 – There should be no other way of telling her what
he wants to say, such as through his sister or her
brother, or by letter.
Add Comments