My name is Aisha,
I am from Melbourne, Australia and here is my story.
I always found
myself to be a person who liked to question things.
As a little girl, I was always asking questions as
children do and as I moved into my teenage years I
found myself interested in philosophy and science. I
wanted to understand how things work and to analyze
the world we live in.
I started to
question the Catholic Church and its practices at the
age of 15. I started to explore other faiths and
after finishing a Bachelor of Science, I traveled to
Nepal and India where I was exposed to a side of
humanity I had never faced in Australia: a humanity
that lived amongst nature and away from the
materialistic way of life we have in the modern world.
This experience
changed me in a way that I felt we are all one people
and that we are all equal. I felt this sense of
equality amongst humankind, from talking to the holy
man in India to the orphan children in Nepal, the
feeling was the same: we are all equal. This is when
I started to feel Islam but I didn't know what it
was. It was just a feeling.
When I returned
from my travels, I decided to enroll into a Social
Work course. After I graduated I started working
with different communities.
I worked with
people who are on the margins of society, people with
no voice to speak out for themselves , people who have
mental illnesses, people who are disabled and young
people who are at risk of criminal activity.
I felt Islam
even more in this work, and I felt it stronger the
more I was giving to people and helping them. I feel
Islam the most when I am helping people or when people
are helping me.
I then started
working with the Arabic communities in Melbourne and
became friends with many Muslims. However they never
spoke to me about Islam. I worked with the community
for 4 years and decided to travel to the Middle East
to learn more.
I spent six
months traveling around the Middle East and it was
there that I started to read into Islam. I spoke to
many people about Islam while I was traveling and it
was so hard to change from my identity as a spiritual
human rights person to a Muslim. This was the hardest
thing. But I could not get away from it! Islam was
drawing me in and in,the pull of Islam was too strong
to turn my back on.
It felt so
strong and so natural to me and it was what I was
searching for my whole life. The thing that drew me
to Islam was the equality amongst humanity and that
there is no hierarchy. I also loved that there are no
images and no intermediary between you and God. It is
just you and Him.
I returned home
from my travel to the Middle East and did not know if
I would embrace Islam or not. But on August 11, 2009
I embraced Islam and it was beautiful. I said the
Shahadah and lay in my bed with a smile on my
face.
The conversion
has enabled me to feel close to God. I am seeing the
world now in a clearer way and everything makes sense
to me. I feel I can understand any situation without
being manipulated or allured into being manipulated.
I feel like a
strong woman who knows what her role is. I feel
intelligent and proud to be a Muslim. I wish I could
wear the hijab as I love wearing it, but I am too
afraid to wear it in my society… maybe in the future.
It has not all
been easy. I have suffered from grief and sadness at
the spiritual separation from my family and friends,
and I felt social isolation especially around special
times like Ramadan. This was very hard for me. My
first Ramadan was very difficult, but I feel that God
has guided me.
My family all
reacted in their own unique way. My mum was worried
that she hadn't raised me the right way, and that I
would wear the scarf, which would upset her. She was
also upset that men can have four wives.
My father was
very angry and felt the need to protect himself and
his faith, and started talking also about the
oppression of women and terrorism.
My sister said
that as long as it makes me happy, she is okay with
it, but she was worried we might grow further apart.
At the moment, I
am up and down. Everyday is different. It has been
difficult, because I am now feeling like a minority.
Although the Muslim sisters I am meeting are all so
warm and loving, I feel I have been raised in a
different way, and so I feel isolated and afraid
sometimes.
But I know in my
heart that God is with me and whenever I am afraid I
remind myself that God led me to Islam and I say
Alhamdulillah (Thankful praise be to Allah).
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