How the autobiography of Malcolm X
guided a white, middle-class, American teenager from
"cow country" to Islam.
By Sa'ad Laws
I have often
been asked how I came to Islam. I mean, it isn't too
often you see a white guy from "cow country" turn to
Islam. I guess the most amazing thing about the whole
thing is where I started. Now, I am not one of those
stories of brothers who you hear were in gangs,
addicted to crack, or worshiped devils at stone
altars. I come from quite a typical background. I
have two sisters; a brother; and both my parents are
still married. My father is an engineer; while my
mother is a housewife (or domestic engineer, as she
likes to say) and we are as middle-class as you can
get. My family lives in a small country hamlet, just
to the south of nowhere. To give you a glimpse of how
rural it is, there is a general store about a mile
from my house, where the lady who runs it say "ya'll
come back now, ya hear" when ever you leave the store.
Religion was
always a strange subject in my house. My father is an
Irish-Catholic by birth and my mom is a Methodist. We
went to church on occasion, but for the most part,
religion was a "spiritual" matter that you just had in
your heart. I can remember as a kid looking at a
small figurine of Jesus (which I had "borrowed" from
the family nativity set) and wondering why do we go to
"number two" when we pray or want something? Why
don't we just go to "number one", God? Growing up,
the whole concept of the trinity never made since to
me, but since I lived in a spiritual Christian family,
this wasn't really an issue.
As I got older
and entered high school, I quickly noticed that I was
a bit different. In my school, like in most schools
in America, there were basically four groups with whom
you could be associated: the "Alternative", the
"preps", the "crack-heads" or the African-Americans
(being that 90% of the county I grew up in was white,
they ended up being somewhat alienated and kept to
themselves). Then there was me. I have to say
looking back now, that this was one of the blessings
of Allah. I very much feel like Allah was protecting
me from all sorts of things which, had gotten involved
in them, could have brought me down later on. For
example, I was always in search of a "girlfriend",
much like any other typical high schooler. However,
whenever the situation presented itself for me to take
advantage of, I always found myself overwhelmed with
shyness and I wasn't able to do anything, not even
move my lips. I am extremely grateful for this now,
even if I wasn't then.
Although I hung
out with the "Alternative" group, I never really felt
like I fit in. They liked to talk about music, trash
their friends, and do drugs or some other mindless
pastime. I, on the other hand, was interested in the
Black Panthers, Medgar Evers, and Malcolm X. This
made me look a little odd to say the least and I
received more than a few tags as being a "Black
wannabe". It was at this time, while in the eleventh
grade, that I began to read The Autobiography of
Malcolm X, the ultimate anti-white leader, or so I was
told. I read his book, and the more I read it, the
more I couldn't put it down; his story was amazing to
me. He came from nothing and then…there he was.
But, it was the
chapter entitled "Mecca" that would have the most
profound effect on me. In it, he told his story of
how he was affected by the generosity and compassion
of, not only the Muslims he met while making the Hajj,
but also by Islam itself. I read that and thought to
myself, "who are these guys?" So, I went to the
school library and started to check out every book
that I could about Islam. I was amazed at what I
read; here they believed in the same principals I has
found so innate within myself. They said that there
was only One God, that Jesus was not his son, but a
rightly guided Messenger and Prophet. I was taken
aback. I knew that whatever this "Islam thing" was, I
needed to be a part of it.
At that time I
considered myself a Muslim. If you had asked me what
my religion was, I would have said Islam. I hadn't
taken my official shahada mind you, but in my heart I
was a Muslim. I was a bit naïve at that point
though. I knew that Muslims were supposed to pray,
but I didn't know how many times, or how to pray and
so on. I didn't know much, and there wasn't anyone
for me to learn from at that point. I was just kind
of walking around saying "hey, I'm Muslim". It was
then that I got the jump-start that I needed. A
friend of mine got a bit agitated by me saying I was a
Muslim all the time (I was a bit over zealous at this
point) and said that I wasn't really Muslim. "You
don't even pray," he told me. I thought to myself,
you know what…he's right. I knew I needed to take
this being a Muslim thing a step further. That's
where I ran into a problem.
Who were these
Muslims? I didn't know a Muslim or where to meet
any. There wasn't exactly a mosque down the block
from my house you have to understand. You could have
literally found gold more easily than a Muslim where I
lived. So, I searched the phone book and came across
a mosque in Washington D.C. But, that was
unfortunately about two and a half hours away and
might as well have been two thousand miles away. When
I first called them I was so nervous. Here I was
about to talk to a Muslim! They were very pleased by
my enthusiasm towards Islam and my eagerness at
becoming a Muslim. But, they wanted me to come to the
mosque. This would of course be a problem.
At the time I
was still in high school and under the reign of my
parents, who also controlled my extended whereabouts,
especially since it was the family vehicle that I was
driving. My chances of getting that car for a trip to
D.C. were slim at best. What was I going to do? I
couldn't get to the Muslims, so how was I going to be
a Muslim. I asked them if they could come down here,
but that was to no avail. I needed to do this now; I
couldn't just sit around for another year or two with
this. It was after much prodding that I finally
convinced the brother to let me take my shahada right
then and there, on the phone. I guess that might have
been a first…conversion by phone.
So, that is how
I came to Islam. I can truly say now, looking back on
the whole story, that I was overwhelmingly blessed by
the way Allah guided me to Islam. I look back now and
see my old friends from high school and how lost they
are. Then I look at myself. I mean I know that I
have more than a few rough edges and that I have much
improving to do, not only as a Muslim, but also as a
person in general. But, I can't help but feel a bit
awed that I was guided and that Allah picked me to be
guided and out of where? Nowhere.
I look back and
I think…what was it that guided me? What could have
led me to this? This "religion of the Arabs", that
was so foreign to me that I would have needed a
passport just to get in. Then I realized that what
happened to me was from Allah and that He alone has
guided me. I feel kind of awestruck when I think of
it. I mean, I don't know why, but Allah picked me for
this religion of guidance. I feel like I have been
saved from the Hell fire and plucked from the ashes.
It is this, my being guided to Islam by Allah and
Allah alone, which is the greatest blessing that I
have ever received.